November 23, 2004

It's almost one in the morning - way past my bedtime - and we're having the first snowfall of the year.  I have to control myself and not go wake Fiona up to watch out the window.  Lord knows I'd be ready to go to sleep and Fiona would be ready for hot chocolate and a holiday flick.  It's really pretty - monster flakes since it's about 36 degrees.  The weather guy forcasted up to six inches for our area (that translates to a dusting, though).  What a fun start to the Thanksgiving weekend!

We are closing on our new house next Wednesday and we truly haven't begun packing.  We have about ten boxes packed but need about fifty more.  Ugh!  Fiona is stressed and nervous about the move and maintains she doesn't want to leave her room because she'll miss her shelves.  I know all this is part of the culprit when it comes to her emotional outbursts (read tantrums) and rudeness and hitting.  On the upside (you know what I mean), Irene has been exhibiting the same behaviors with Megan (minus the hitting).  

I think another reason for Fiona's undesirable behavior lately is that I am not spending enough time with just her.  It is so easy to get caught up in taking care of Elaina and taking care of Fiona's basic needs, like food and bed and clothing (sometimes not even that it seems!) that I don't take the time to enjoy my kids.  I feel sad about that.  I also think that I forget Fiona is still a baby herself.  She's four years old for goodness sake.  I mean, that is so young when I think of any other kid and when I think about Fiona it's like four equals ten or something.  I think I figure, hey, Elaina is a baby so Fiona must not be.  I don't think I'm being very clear but there it is.  I expect her to act more mature than she's capable of doing.  She isn't supposed to be able to control her emotions at four.  She shouldn't have mastered delayed gratification at her age.  She should be wanting my attention all the time and she absolutely shouldn't be able to differentiate a real emergency from a preschool emergency (the current tv show has ended and *now* what will she do???).  Even so, I am having a hard time sticking to my resolution to spend free time with her and not getting chores done.  You'd think the house would be spotless (ha!) and all the meals planned and prep work executed (double ha!).  I am doing all things poorly instead of one thing really well.  That one thing should be loving my children and making sure they know it.  I'll let you know how it goes...

November 19, 2004

Our family is finally starting to feel better after all of us getting some cold/sinus infection thing.  Poor Elaina is the last to shake it, as usual.  That poor kid!  I took her to see Dr. Killen and he gave us a scrip for antibiotics but I think she's going to get rid of it without them.  It worries me to put her on too many antibiotics and she's already been on them two times before.  

The other night she was playing with Sean and Fiona and she fell off the bed and hit her head on the night table next to the bed and gave herself a huge purple knot and the beginnings of a black eye.  Thank God babies heal quickly and the eye looked much better by morning.  Now, two or three days later the owie on her head is more yellow than purple and she seems to be in no pain.  She's not been sleeping very well lately due to the illness and perhaps teeth and so she's very unstable on her feet.  Today she fell off the front step outside onto the sidewalk with the back of her head.  Ouch!  I know it's a combination of her clumsiness and our inattentiveness.  We would never have allowed that stuff to happen to Fiona.  It's just so difficult because I can't possibly pay attention to every detail when I have two children!

Fiona has been very difficult to live with lately.  She is also just so impressionable.  Half the time she's walking around her with a lisp and tone of voice like Piper and the other half she's sucking her thumb like Irene.  Ugh!  I know she's trying on other personalities and acting but it DRIVES ME INSANE.  Her favorite things to say to me are "Evil mom!" and "Poopy Mom!"  Sigh.  At first I was really annoyed with her for using the "poop" word all the time but now I'm trying to just ignore it and realize all kids go through this.  I thought I'd escape it with her being such a girly-girl.  And she just glares at me, yells at me, shoves hits and slaps me, downright screams at me and tries to coerce Elaina into referring to me as "Evil Mom" as well.  At least Elaina loves me...  Except she's very rough too and will come and hit me and bite me sometimes.  I am so worried that Fiona is going to turn her into a mean agressive kid.  Yesterday Elaina dragged a comb down my face and when I said, "Oww, Lu! That hurts mommy!  No!"  She laughed.  For like two whole minutes.  She thought it was so funny.  What a fun game!  Let's scar mommy for life!  Weee!  

I think one catalyst for Fiona's behavioral problems is that we are moving to a different house in a couple of weeks.  Even though it's only two blocks away I think she's really worried about it.  She keeps telling me she's going to miss her room and her built-in bookshelves.  Poor baby.  We did just have those built this summer, too.  We promised her we'd try to paint and carpet her new room the same as her bedroom now and the new bedroom has built-in shelves and drawers.  I'm not sure she's buying it.  Anyway, I think it's hard to realize how much kids internalize and how much they experience stress just like we do...





November 3, 2004

Well, today is Fiona's birthday and I can't believe she's really four years old.  Man!  Sean took the day off work to spend with us as a family and it was really good.  Well, except for the time she spent yelling at me and telling me how I ruined her birthday brownies (I tried to help her cut them when she said she couldn't do it.  Go figure.).  She really had a great day, though.  This morning she went into the living room and said, "What the heck??!!"  She couldn't believe she had presents!  She opened them and noticed the new wrapping paper.  "These can't be from you guys because we don't have this paper!"  She asked how "they" knew what she wanted and I said dad and I told "them."  Naturally, what followed was "Who?"  Because I think everything through, I said we sent a letter to the birthday faeries.  Um, now we've started a birthday faerie tradition.  Ugh.  She just loved her gifts, though.  The best was the Disney Belle dress and accessory set.  Man that girl loves Disney princesses!

Elaina is such a little doll.  She is talking all the time in Elainese.  She does say "sister" though and it's darling.   The other day I was feeding Fiona and holding Lu at the same time and when the food would get close to Fiona's mouth Lu said, "No no no!"  She did it again the next time and Fiona and I were cracking up.  She wanted the food instead!  She doesn't talk consistently but she is definitely talking.  The other day at Mary's house I said, "Do you want more, Lu, or are you all done?"  She said very clearly, "All done."  Mary and I just looked at each other wide-eyed.  So amazing.

She's working on her eighth tooth and I'll be SOOO glad when it's finally in.  Poor baby is pretty miserable and drooly a lot of the time.  She was having a good day today, though.  She's growing so much and so fast that people who haven't seen us in a couple of weeks are amazed.  She's totally motoring around all over the place.  She's much more steady on her feet and she climbs like mad!

On another exciting note, we bought a new house.  I have mixed feelings because I am so emotionally attached to our current house.  But this one is only two block away and it's on Morningside Drive, a street I've always wanted to reside on.  We will have four bedrooms, one of which will be converted into a family room (it's rather large with an office with balcony access, walk-in closet and full bathroom attached), a screened-in side porch and back deck and a breakfast room off the kitchen that will work beautifully for crafts and messy things.  It's scary and exciting at the same time.  Fiona has already staked out her room and is very excited about moving.  Whew!

October 4, 2004

Here's something interesting about preschoolers. Well, it's not so much interesting as completely annoying and capable of driving an otherwise perfectly rational person to insane ravings. You can tell a preschooler to do something - and it will be pretty important, like, "Hey! Get a move on in the parking lot! There's three thousand pounds of steel backing toward you!" The preschooler will continue to hum a tune and examine a brown leaf while sauntering toward you at a pace barely measurable. "Yo!" you will try again. "Honey, it's not safe to play in the parking lot! Come on!" Of course, your hands are full of younger siblings, purses without the long strap since said preschooler hijacked that to make a satchel out of yesterday's underwear, a diaper bag that is woefully under stocked, a fist full of "interesting" pebbles and at least four sticks of varying sizes. (This is the defense's statement of why the preschooler in question is walking and not being carried. That, and, have you tried to carry a kicking and screaming wildcat before? Well, I wouldn't recommend it.) So, after your second attempt at cajoling the child into coming directly and speedily to your own waiting vehicle, the child appears to have lost all ability to comprehend English, or hear in general. Finally, exasperated, you march back, grab the child's hand and drag her forward to your car. You are now getting stares and glares from passersby as they are assaulted by the kid's wails and protests of, "Owww! You're hurting me! You're pulling my arm from the socket! OWWWW!" and can sense the muttered chidings of "Oh! Look how she treats her child! Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids!"
Later that same day you might be sitting on the couch and your infant might be sleeping on that couch. Your preschooler might be running back and forth from the couch to the dining room, layering herself in articles of infant clothing you recently brought up from the basement, proclaiming, "It still fits!" as seven inches of exposed skin hang out at the extremities. You will attempt to squelch the stage whispers the preschooler is using and then say excitedly, "Hey! Leave the room and go in the hallway," as you decide a story upstairs might be a good compromise. The preschooler may look at you with mild interest but not respond. You may ask that child again to leave the room, a little more frantically as the sleeping infant is stirring a little in her sleep. The older charge again looks at you and again says nothing. Finally, in your sternest voice, you might say, "GO!" this time utilizing your own stage whisper. Finally, your spouse may widen his eyes and lower his voice and hiss, "GO!" at the preschooler thinking some testosterone might help. Again, you will have forgotten this person speaks and hears naught. So, your spouse might pop up off the couch, lift the preschooler and carry her up to her room and give a small lecture entitled "The Importance of Following Your Parents' Directions." This preschooler will be wailing by this time, but when prompted, affirming that she does indeed understand the need to follow directions. She will then say, "But I didn't want to leave." You will remind her that mommy and daddy need to make decisions for her sometimes and she just needs to trust that mommy and daddy tell her to do things for a good reason and inquire if that make sense to her. She will again say she understands and underscore that with, "But I didn't want to." She may then ask if you will read her the stories.  You might patiently explain that you would like to but can't read stories to children who don't follow directions.  It's possible she will respond with, "But will you read the story now?"  You know there is some sort of language barrier here but you're not sure what it is or how to correct it. Instead, you will then bite down on the fleshy part of your own palm and tell her goodnight and walk out of the room. And you know this young one is intelligent and perfectly capable of hearing, speaking your language, and following simple directions. So what happens? What makes a smart, happy child go from enjoying parental company to deciding to ignore all direction which undoubtedly leads to chidings, which rapidly deteriorate to raised voices and desperate attempts at convincing the child that you are indeed in charge and there will most definitely be hell to pay if she doesn't start to comply RIGHT NOW? Do you know how infuriating it is to be on your last inch of patience with someone, teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown of self-control and have them either not register that or not care? The outcome is not good. Then you see that little button-pusher asleep on the floor of her room, face down with her tutu-clad rear end in the air, wearing a cardigan and candy-cane striped wooly tights pulled over her head in convenience-store-robber fashion. Then you feel like the World's Giantest Ass for getting so angry with someone who's level of maturity and naïveté allows them to think it's okay to dress like that.


September 26, 2004 - 11:50 PM

So my Lainey Lu will be one year old tomorrow at 5:25 PM.  I feel a little heartbroken when I realize it's been a year.  Still, I know it's far better for a year to have gone by than for her not to have made it to a year.  So it's all in your perspective, I suppose.

We had a birthday party today for Lainey.  Well, it was pretty casual, actually.  It was a birthday party in that there were balloons that said Happy First Birthday and there was cake and a candle.  She had her best Friend Rosie Truitt (Irene's sister) so all was good.  Poor Elaina was so crabby all day.  I'm sure it had something to do with the fact that I was trying to get ready for the party and therefore was pretty unavailable to the poor girl all day today.  Don't worry, I'll make up for it by snuggling and cuddling her close tomorrow all day!

It was pretty neat because Lainey chose today to start really walking around.  She started pulling to stand and taking steps unprovoked and even took at least 10 steps in a row from her place next to Sean to a chair early in the day.  

I think both Fiona and Elaina are very sensitive girls and I feel very blessed by this but I also know their hearts are going to break over and over.  If Elaina does something she's not supposed to - like bites my leg or starts to crawl toward something dangerous or chew on  the cord to the vacuum cleaner (that's only happened once so far...) and you respond with a harsh tone she crumbles and cries.  It's so sad.  Not the crying, that we would speak in a  harsh tone to where Elaina would recognize it as mean.  What kind of people are we, anyway??? And Fiona is just so full of emotions!  Today she found a caterpillar and we looked it up and read about it and she is distressed - I mean distressed - that this guy will be forming a cocoon anyday now.  She was sobbing her heart out that she wouldn't be able to hold him anymore.  And don't get her started on the fact that when it becomes a moth it only lives for five days.  I mean that kid was laying in bed, tears streaming down looking at photos I'd downloaded of the caterpiller and moth and sobbing and sobbing about not getting to hold it anymore.  You'd think she was terribly lonely and had to forge friendships with rocks and pathetic attempts at pets like caterpillers.  Ha!  You'd think she lived in a pretend world where all her dolls were named Fiona!

September 24, 2004

Oh my dear, my darling, my sweetie, my little glamour girl.  Aaaahhh.  I can't think of any easy way to break this.  Fiona cut her bangs today.  I thought something looked a little different about her.  Hmmm.  We were just at Misty's Wednesday and Fiona has decided to let her hair grow long.  We decided to let the bangs grow to catch up with the rest.  Or so I thought.  I guess we missed a memo.  Ugh.  It's actually pretty flirty and trendy.  And she is sooooo not sorry she did it.


How did I grow this sassy pants?  Truthfully, I saw  piece of hair on the floor - thought Fiona had gotten into Elaina's baby hair and she assured me she hadn't.  Upon further inspection I realized the hair was actually a closer match to Fiona than Elaina and asked Fi if she'd cut her hair.  Someone must have told her to deny, deny, deny.  And she did.  Then she realized it was futile and I just dissolved into laughter.  I didn't know what else to do.  So now, Fiona things she's ultra cool and cute and sassy.  And she is.  Of course in mid gasp while chortling, I said, "You do know I have to take away your scissors, right?"  She said, "All of them?"  "Yes."  "Okay."  I guess it was worth it.

September 15, 2004

Fiona and Elaina played great with Marissa yesterday.  It was my first day with this 12 year old mother's helper but we had interacted with her at Betsey's house.  Betsey uses Marissa a lot.  Marissa is home schooled so she's available during the day with is FANTASTIC.  When I first met her months ago she made it a big point to let me know she loves to pretend.  So it seemed like a match made in heaven.  And they did great.  Marissa even dressed up.  It was so cool.  She had on Fiona's dress up clothes the best she could, being 12 with Fiona being almost 4.  Anyway, we had fun.  And Elaina even played with the two of them for a while.  Then today we went to the zoo with Betsey and Chad and Suzanne with Marissa working for Betsey today and Marissa got to hold Elaina, hold onto E's hands while she toddled around and Lainey even fell asleep on Marissa's shoulder.  Wow!

Tonight Fiona was supposed to be going to bed and she called me in and said, "Mom, in the morning sing this song to Lu."  She proceeded to sing a song to me that went something like this: "Oh my baby, oh baby, oh baby, my baby.  I will give you 21 kisses.  I will give you 25 hugs.  My baby my baby my baby.  I will give you 25  butterflies for pets."  She is sooo cool!

September 14, 2004

It's so neat to watch Elaina learn stuff.  I mean, with her being the second child I don't have the luxury or just watching her learn and do stuff every single day.  So when she is doing things it seems all of the sudden.  For example, today she kept pointing to a doll and saying "doll" in her little baby voice.  And now when she picks up this plastic cow she says "aaaahhhhooooooo" - her version of "moo."  So sweet!  She will also pick up her baby doll and hug it and pat it when prompted - sometimes.  I think Elaina is tricky.  She knows how to do things she just won't do them unless she wants to.  And she's hilarious because she'll clap for herself even when she doesn't perform the requested task.  It's like she's thinking, "Kudos to me!  I'm putting up with your asinine jabber!  Check out my patience!"

Today she almost strangled to death.  Fiona the scavenger found some gold elasticy ribbon and fashioned a clothesline thing across her bed.  Unfortunately a whole bunch of the cording was left dangling and Elaina got it around her neck while she was trying to leave the room.  I heard this squeak and a lot of crying and went to look and she's trussed up around the neck.  She was her own worst enemy because she kept trying to get away and pulling it tighter and tighter around her neck.  I totally freaked.  I know realistically as long as she's making noise it's better but it was so scary.  And I was yelling to Fiona, "She could have died!" and all Fiona could say was, "But she didn't, mom!"  Sigh.  Fiona and I had a talk to bring us both back to reality.  We have to make sure all things long enough to go around a neck are put away.  It really scares me because Fiona doesn't have any concept of what dead really is.  She also doesn't understand about putting all her tiny things away and one of her favorite things to do is put a necklace around Elaina's neck.  I try to impress upon her how she really can't do this but even when I specifically say not to do something unless she asks mom or dad or we're with her she thinks she's capable of making her own decisions and something stupid or dangerous happens.  It's scary every day!

Fiona's so cool too because she now knows that an exclamation point means you shout something.  I'll write "Cat." on the chalkboard and she says it in a regular voice.  Then I write it with a question mark and she askes it.  Then I write it with the exclamation point and she screams it at me - "CAT!!!!"  Too funny!  She's so funny and sweet and loving and cute and dramatic and rude and frustrated and frustrating and wonderful.  It's so weird being a parent!

September 13, 2004

It has been crazy around here lately.  With Elaina teething and not sleeping very well and Fiona trying to put herself to sleep at night but reading and playing in bed for about two hours each night before finally drifting off and still waking at 7 AM, I have been run ragged.  Both girls are so tired during the day they are just crabby and almost unbearable to be with.  I try to be patient because I know they're not running on a full tank but, whew!  So tonight I just vegged in front of the TV for as long as I could after reading and stroking and singing Fiona to sleep and between Elaina's night wakings for nursing (the teething and the fact that she fell on her face while playing with big sissy today and busted her lip - so much blood!).  I heard a "thump!!" but knew Sean was in bed with Elaina and I didn't hear anything afterward so I assumed it was Mona (we're dog sitting for Mary and Jeremy) sneezing in the kitchen.  Sometimes Sasha would sneeze and thump her body down on the ground.  I came to bed, nursed Elaina, changed into my pjs and checked on Fiona.  Um, discovered the origin of the thump...Fiona was spread eagle on the ground, face up, dead asleep.  I feel like a first class mom.  And I kind of can't believe Sean didn't awaken to the noise either.  I really kind of can't believe Fiona didn't wake up.  However, she was coughing during our story and so I gave her cough medicine with codeine.  She also complained of a stuffy nose so I gave her children's decongestant.  And Baby Vick's vaporub.  And Advil.  Poor baby.  She was doped and unable to awaken when plummeting to the ground.  They give awards for this kind of parenting, right?  Oh, that's right - the word I was thinking of was "citation."

September 9, 2004

Well, Elaina took one little step to me four times in a row so I'm counting it.  Officially, today she has taken her first steps!  Before she was standing, taking one step and sort of lunging over.  Now she stood, took one step, moved the other foot forward and fell forward.  So, she definitely got the one step in four times!  Woohoo!  I was thrilled, she was thrilled that I was thrilled and a good time was had by all.  Now, she needs a nap and of course, as is par for the course lately, Fiona called my name just as E's eyes were lolling back into her head and fully woke her again.  Then Fiona comes running into the room going, "Oh!  Lou's awake!"  Yea.  Lou's awake.

So, Elaina really honesty and truly is taking steps!  This evening she took two steps to me and remained on her feet.  Wowie!  She did it several times and Sean only finally believed me when he saw it with his own two eyes.  (Don't ask him about it.  He's a little sore that E didn't walk to him first.  heeheehee)  I tried to get video of her walking but she was mostly enthralled with the baby on the LCD display on the camera and kept bear crawling toward me to attack her.  That is one smart baby, I might add.  She kept flipping the display over to find where the baby was being kept inside there.  Man!  

She is also asking "what's that?" a lot.  She points to stuff, askes "Dat?" and waits for you to answer.  Apparently she is filing that info away but immediately going on to something else.  She's amazing!

September 6, 2004

Tonight we went to Pops in the Park by the KC Symphony.  It was an opportunity to bring a picnic and sit in the grass and listen to beautiful music.  Of course, it rained torrential amounts of water but they managed to condense the program into about 45 minutes.  It was all okay, though.  My little princess Fiona liked the music and began to dance much to the delight of all around.  Luckily we were in the front row with our blanket in the grass so EVERYONE there got to see the performance - the bonus performance.  Ha!  They thought they were just getting the symphony when they really got an impromptu dance from Fiona.  It was sooooo cute!  She danced around saying things like, "This is the kick jump back step."  Another little girl was dancing a couple of blankets over and they managed to find each other, then inspiring several other little dancers to join the troupe.  Still, I got several comments about how graceful Fiona is and isn't it wonderful and didn't I wish I had a camcorder.  Um, yes yes yes!  She is just so dramatic.  She has been going around saying the following:  "I am the fire fairy.  Don't touch me.  I will burn you."  Now, since she's the fire fairy, you can't carry her - she will burn you.  That's a nice side effect!

We are going to the renaissance festival tomorrow and I think this year she is going to be in love with it.   They have a Fairy village (hence the Fire Fairy thing) and she's fired up.  She's decided to be the Fire Fairy at the festival.  We said that would be fine.  Let you know how that goes...

September 3, 2004

Yep, it says September there.  Man, it's flying by!  Elaina got her fifth tooth about two days ago, I guess.  Well, it finally broke through the skin two days ago.  So, a three week process has finally started to end...  She's also got bronchitis.  Sean and I feel so bad for that little angel.  No joke, it seems like she's *always* sick!  Talking to Megan Kraus, Irene's mom, I think it's just a second child thing (and believe me, I tell myself this constantly).  With all the play dates and running around we do (remember, Elaina was at Target when she was one day old!) she's just exposed to more germs.  

Fiona's in a very experimental stage.  For example, she will take a cup with water in it, cover it with a baby wipe and turn it upside down to see if the wipe keeps the water in.  It doesn't, in case you're wondering.  I'll save you from doing that experiment, too.  Also, she will take a blue Bic pen and, for the sake of Science, see what happens when you introduce the business end to a terry cloth heating pad cover.  It produces a line of blue ink, in case you were thinking of replicating the study.  Her latest study (oh gosh, I guess there could be one I haven't discovered yet...) was to flush something, like, say, a set of plastic baby keys, down the toilet and see what happens.  Wasn't this supposed to happen when Fiona was two and not almost four years old?  *Sigh*  So now the good toilet in our house is the avocado green 1970s low-rider version in the kitchen.  Yeehaw!

You know, I think we're really lucky how tolerant little kids are of the younger siblings.  I know I'm not as tolerant of just people - strangers - as Fiona is of Elaina.  Yesterday Fiona almost broke though.  Sean and I heard crying and yelling at Elaina and then Elaina started crying.  Don't babies just have so much feeling?  Fiona was saying things like, "This is it.  Get her out of here.  No more!"  What happened was Elaina had torn some pages in Fiona pad of paper.  Torn them out, torn them down the middle, you name it.  Fiona wanted to be "back just the way it was" and it was really ticking her off that it couldn't be.  Sean and I took Elaina and explained why that was a bad thing to do (for Fiona's sake) and then explained to Fiona that she hadn't meant to do it.  I said to Elaina, "Your big sis is pretty angry with you right now and she has every right to be."  Fiona sobbed, "I'm not angry with Lou.  I just didn't like what she did."  She then put both hands on Elaina's cheeks and hugged her and kissed her and told her she didn't like what she did but loved her.  Maturity, anyone?

Something I've noticed about Fiona is that she is a costume designer.  She clips and pins and tucks things together to create her outfits and it is really cool to see.  Sometimes I get to watch her do it but mostly she just appears in these elaborate frocks and I can't believe she did it herself.  Butterfly clips are her best friend.

Elaina is soooo very close to walking.  Sean says she'll take one step here or there before falling over but I'm not counting it because I don't feel like she's balanced before falling over or taking that "step."  And because I haven't seen it.  Ha!  But I can tell she's really close.

June 30, 2004

I hate how I can't keep up with journaling about the girls.  My biggest fear - and always has been - is forgetting these precious years.  Elaina is pulling up to standing and has been for, two days I'd say.  She is so proud of herself.  She grins and sometimes claps, something else that is new.  She also loves to wave.  It's inconsistent, like, oh say, when you want her to do it.  But like everything else in life, good things come to those who wait and she does it in her own good time when she's ready.  Mostly she waves to strangers.  Or dogs.  Or strangers with dogs...

She's getting a third tooth, I think.  It's so weird how her personality changes when she's sick, or teething, or in this case both.  Because she's teething, she puts everything in her mouth and has gotten a cold.  Poor baby.

She's babbling all the time now.  She tries to repeat too.  I swear she tried to say FiFi the other day and said "Titi" - kind of like Sylvester the cat on Looney Tunes, mostly with tongue and spit.  So cute!

Fiona is a total drama queen.  I constantly have to remind myself that she's struggling in her own skin and isn't sent here on a mission from space to destroy my life.  Although, she might have been sent here to cause me to self destruct...I'm still pondering that.  Sometimes I can't tell if she's acting or really feeling the way she portrays.  And sometimes I just don't care and want her to act like herself.

Oh!  Her recital was so great.  She was so adorable and loved being on stage.  I'm glad Ms. Therese let the parents come and watch the practices in class because the actual recital didn't resemble the initial thought at all.  It was cute though.  The students received awards first based on the length of time of study and Fiona was the first student to receive and when Ms. Therese called her name she came onto the stage, looking right at the audience and smiling so cute!   Everyone "awwwwww"ed and thought she was adorable.  She is.  She is so totally a little actress, as well.  We have the soundtrack to Cats, the musical and she has fallen in love with Grizabella the Glamour Cat.  She sings her version of Memory ("I can smile at the olden days,  I was beautifuller then...").  But it's scary how she identifies so much.  I guess it's like method acting or something.  She engrosses herself in the character.  My mom said that Fiona was standing under the lamp (moonlight) and singing her song and sobbing and talking about how no one loves her anymore because she's an old cat but don't they know she used to be a beautiful young cat and if they touch her they'll understand what happiness is.  My mom said she was in tears, she was so taken by Fiona's
acting.  I don't know if I should be worried or impressed.

She hates me though and has hit me two times now, for real.  Once was actually a slap in the face.  I'm the only one she does this to so I know it's deliberate.  At first I was outraged - I mean outraged when she did it but realistically, it's not a chronic thing and it only happens when I am pushing her buttons.  No, she shouldn't do it but if I can learn to react differently to her, say, when she's whining for the fiftieth time, then it won't be an issue.  I hope.


June 14, 2004

Well, Elaina gets around like nobody's business now.  She does the worm.  And she's quick about it!  She uses her toes and her hands and occasionally throws her knees down for good measure but doesn't rely on them.  It's so cute!  She can also get herself from crawling position to sitting up which is really cool.  I finally saw it with my own two eyes the other day.  There was evidence of it because, well, she is sitting up after we've put her down to crawl.  

She also will sit and talk and talk and talk.  She just jabbers away all day long.  I love it.  And when you walk up to her she puts her arms up in the air for you to pick her up.  She is a neat little kid and, thankfully, it appears she's just as smart as her sister.  I was worried about that.  Poor kid following in Fiona's footsteps.  Any average kid would be considered a dunce in comparison...

Fiona is dealing with a little insecurity and jealousy.  She's asked to nurse twice again.  Both on a Tuesday night after Sean and I have been out to our parenting class.  Coincidence?  I think not!  We didn't nurse, even though she was persistant in asking.

Fiona is still fiercely loving and protective of Elaina.  At the same time, she is still persistant aobut trying to stop Elaina from nursing.  I can see how that is a tough thing for her, though.  I'm trying to be empathic and loving.  Ugh.

I just measured the little princess (Fiona) and she's grown about two inches in two months.  WOW!  It's so amazing to me.  I'm going to let that be my physical reminder that she will outgrow this current trend we're in of arguing, indignation, snootiness, frustration, etc.  Whew!



May 29, 2004

My poor, poor Baby Elaina has some sort of infection in her eyes.  She is oozing yellow-y green stuff and has been for days.  Her eyes are crusted shut after nighttime and even naps.  The first time I saw it it was the saddest thing.  She woke up next to me and was cooing and giggling and I looked over and her eyes wouldn't open.  I got a flash of what it would be like if my daughter was blind.  Boohoo.  She's not so happy anymore when she wakes up with plastered shut eyes.  She cries and whines and tries to rub it away.  She gets really mad when I try to gently wipe it with a warm, wet washcloth.  Poor sweetie!  I was finally able to get her some eye drops tonight.  I called the on call doctor last night - or tried to, I should say.  The answering service told me the on call Dr. wouldn't be able to prescribe without seeing her and when I asked what my options were he said to decide if urgent care was needed.  Okay, first of all, when did the answering service become licensed to dispense medical advice?  I called back later and said that I wanted the doctor to call so he could tell me how to treat Lainey until Tuesday when Dr. Killen was back but I never got a call back.  So I don't know if the answering service guy just didn't give the message or if the on call doctor was like screw it, I'm not calling back on a Saturday night (it was only 8:45 PM though) or if there actually isn't an evil plot against me at all.  Regardless, I got in touch with the guy today and he said, "Oh, sounds like she needs an antibiotic eye drop. Duh.  

She couldn't be cuter though, cruddy eyes and all.  She totally gets around by doing "the worm."  She gets up on her hands and feet and then eases her body forward, rear coming down last.  She TOTALLY gets around!  She toys with getting on all fours and rocking like she may someday choose to participate in the traditional crawling but not yet.  She'll think about it.

Fiona is a bundle of fun.  She is all these different emotions and desires and it's so confusing and then suddenly I remember she's three and a half and not eight years old or something.  She is so intelligent and even rational at times and it's hard for me to remember that she's just a baby!  I think that's one hard thing for older siblings.  She was my baby until Elaina was born and then in comparison, physically and everything else, she was a giant to me and sometimes I think I expect her to act older than her age because she's not "a baby."  Poor kid.  She loves me to pieces though.  She gets so mad at me and yells and says she doesn't like me anymore (and this is all the unprovoked stuff!) and then she hangs on me and gives me kisses and hugs and tells me she wants to be with me and would I carry her and so on.  Man, I love her so!  I really think a lot of it boils down to jealousy and really just trying to reclaim her territory - Sean and me.  She was unhappy last night because we don't have a blanket with her name on it and Elaina has a blanket with her name on it.  I told her she had one - a blue one with Winnie the Pooh and her name on it but she refused to cave.  "It's not pink with flowers around it and my name on it."  Well, neither is Elaina's!


May 25, 2004

Well, I told Fiona this morning that Sasha died.  At first I thought it was going to be easy.  She asked why and said we needed a new dog.   Then she just crumpled and cried, "Hold me!" and jumped into my lap and sobbed and sobbed.  I feel awful.  That made me cry which I think scared Fiona and made her cry harder.  The worst part was when she said, "But I want to see her.  I want to see the whiteness of her."  Today will be a rough day.



May 24, 2004

Okay so Elaina now says four things.  She says "dada" of course, and I even think she means Sean when she does!  She also says "mmmmmaaa" for mama.  She's getting there.  Then she says "hi" which sort of sounds like "ah" but we know what she means.  She gestures to dogs and says "daaauuu" and today I was sitting on the couch looking at her and she said "ki-eey" and when I followed her gaze I realized she was looking at Cleo, our cat!  Wow!  I guess that's five things.  She's so brilliant!

May 22, 2004

Okay, you have to check out these side by sides of Fiona and Elaina.

    

    

        

Which is which girl?  Wow!
Oooh!  And Elaina has two teeth now.  Sooooo cool, huh?

May 22, 2004

Yikes!  It's been a month since I wrote anything down?! What kind of parent am I?  Oh, yeah, one that is actually parenting!  I hate forgetting things about the girls' babyhood, though.  I'm uploading pictures so be sure to check out that page, too.

I think Elaina's early attempts to say "dada" were not really linked to Sean.  I think it was just a sound her mouth was liking.  Now, however, I think she says "daaaaa" to refer to him.  And I would almost swear in a court of law that she said "daadeeee" the other day.  Fiona concurs.

Fiona still has some trouble dealing with Elaina.  She said to Sean and I the other day that "You guys just don't like me anymore!"  My heart broke right then and there.  I hate that she's feeling that way inside. She is so sweet to Lainey that I forget she might be feeling conflict inside.  

We have been doing better with Fiona lately.  I started reading this book called Love and Logic Magic for the Early Years and am trying to implement it in my child rearing practices.  I know I've talked about this before but it involves choices, lots of empathy and letting your child experience consequences.  Some of the stuff I didn't really get before was this whole Idea of not harping on your kids over and over (ie saying, "Please pick up your dresses.  Please pick up your dresses.  Fiona don't forget your dresses or I'll have to take them away.  Fiona, remember your dresses?  Do you want me to take your dresses?  Okay, I'll have to take the dresses").  Love and Logic says tell them once and then just quietly implement the consequence.  And don't lecture about it later (guilty!).  Let the consequences do the talking.  When she asks later where her dresses are, respond empathically with something like, "What a bummer, they're put away for the day.  Let's try again tomorrow."  My old plan was to lecture "well, I told you to pick them up.  What did you think would happen?  Do you think I'm talking to hear myself talk?  Blah blah blah!"  I'm sure all she was hearing was that last sentence.  So, it seems to be working.  All I know is that she wants to spend EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY with me right now.  I can only assume it's because my biting sarcasm is put away temporarily.  And because since I'm not yelling at her about stuff anymore, I'm not the bad buy - the mistakes are.  

We have been christened with our first Ear Infection.  Great.  Fiona never had one and last Friday (yes, a whole week ago) Elaina felt warm to me and a little crabby but I just passed it off as teething symptoms.  Sunday she had a 102 fever.  Monday she had a 105 fever.  Tuesday she had one in the 103 range.  Finally I took her to the doctor Wednesday and she  
was diagnosed with an ear infection.  I felt terribly.  You know the first time around, when Fi was a baby, I would have been at the doctor's on the first day!  I also toted Elaina all over the world that entire time.  Poor baby.  After I gave her the first dose of antibiotic, she slept for a five hour nap.  Sigh.  Mother of the year just flew right out the window.

April 28, 2004

Elaina is this amazing little thing and I have to type quickly because she's a) going to notice I'm gone and b)  going to scoot off the bed any second.  She can't crawl yet but she scoots herself backward and can really get around.  She scoots and then turns herself around and goes the other way.  Using this method she can pretty much get anywhere she wants.  The other morning I went in when she woke and she had scooted herself from my side of the bed over into Fiona's big girl bed, which is pushed against ours.  Wow!

She has a tooth popping up now and she basically sat up on her own earlier.  She's wobbly and will fall over sideways after a few minutes but she truly is sitting!  Amazing.

She's calling me (that sounds like, "Mmmmm!  Mmmmmm!").  

Fiona and I are really reaching a challenge.  I don't know if it's that I'm more tired or pulled thin from trying to parent two children, but my patience is almost non-existent and I feel and see (and hear) myself becoming intolerant mean mommy.  I don't like it!  She'll wake up in a crabby mood, whining for me to come up and pick her up when she can see that I have a baby on one arm and a bag on the other and I am like, "Fiona, there's no way I can pick you up!"  Then my guilt sets in and of course I pick her up because I don't want her to feel replaced.  Blah blah blah.  Eventually I just pop and my tone gets more and more harsh until I'm taking all privileges away (this time it was 'no pancakes!') or yelling at her.  Then I remove myself and calm down.  I think I just discovered I'm doing things in the wrong order.  Perhaps if I remove myself, calm down and then talk to her about it, there will be less yelling and less of me wanting to move out.  Parenting is so hard!  

April 20, 2004

Well, it's official.  Time has no meaning and the days are seriously flying by.  How else do you explain Elaina's sudden zip to six and a half months old?  You know, that wouldn't shock me so much if she was severely delayed and was still laying here like a drooling pile of adorable flesh but, alas, she is developing at the proper rate and is doing all these amazing things and experiencing so many changes.  She is officially getting her first tooth.  I was finally able to get really good 1/16 second glance into her mouth and see a gash where a tooth will be popping up any day now.  You can't believe how hard it is to look in a baby's mouth!  Those things are wily.  How can they be so quick when they're so not mobile?  The tooth is her front lower right.  If you're looking at her it's on the left-ish side.  It's so cute.  You can't really see it yet but just a little seam on the gum and you can feel it with your finger.  My little baby's toothless smile is about to be no more!  Boo hoo.  Also, the little traitor has started saying "Dada."  Sometimes it sounds just like she's saying, "Hi, dada."  So cute if only it were "mama" instead...

April 2, 2004

It's strange to think of all the things you have to learn in your life. Things like can kozies don't hold liquid due to the dime sized hole in the bottom. Or, a cup half the size of a pitcher can't hold all the water in the pitcher. This morning was an example of another something we all have to figure out. Fiona woke up a little irritable. She went into her room to find something to wear and told me she was looking for something specific. She was mumbling something to me that I couldn't understand but I got something about pink dress and Ariel. I figured she wanted a pink dress like Ariel wears at one point in The Little Mermaid. I said we didn't have one and she said, "No mama, I want the pink dress Ariel gave to me." Huh? Hold the phone! Okay, repeat that. I said, "Honey, did you have a dream?" She insisted it wasn't a dream. She maintained Ariel had given her a dress. Now, we went to Disney Princesses on Ice last week so I thought she was thinking about seeing Ariel there (Fiona got to shake hands with Ariel and Prince Eric - that was cool). I said, "When would she have given you a dress, Honey?" "When we saw her again, mom! Later!" Fiona was getting very frustrated with me because this was clearly something very vivid in her mind and she was baffled that I wasn't remembering. Oh honey! I wanted so badly to produce that dress. She described it to me (It's like the Snow White dress, but not red. It has patches on the shoulders, but they're pink."). I totally knew what she was talking about. I could not convince her it was a dream. She was adamant it was real and that Sasha must have eaten the dress. She then started talking about all the dresses Ariel wears in the movie - the pink nightgown; the blue dress with matching blue hair bow. She said dejectedly, "The only way I could have all those dresses is if I were Ariel. I want to be Ariel!" Sigh. My heart ached for her because I know the feeling of waking up and realizing this awesome dream you were having was just that - a dream - and wanting to crawl back into sleep and become the dream again. It's really fun watching Fiona learn but some things you just wish could be held off for a while.

March 31, 2004

I just saw the cutest thing. I was nursing Elaina to sleep in our bed and could see into the bathroom from my vantage point on the bed. Fiona was sitting on the marble tile floor in the bathroom with one knee up and flipping through a magazine - an Organic Style magazine, I believe. Oh so cute!

Lainey has been a crazy person lately and refuses to take a good nap. I remember this from when Fiona was an infant. Just when you think you have their "schedule" figured out, they change.

Okay, out of the blue, Fiona just told me she would like to see Santa sometime. Uh oh. I thought she would be fine with the Santa in the mall but she wants to stay up late on Christmas Eve and see him. I hate this lie! I just said, "Okay." I don't want to perpetuate and elaborate on the "story " by telling her that Santa waits until you're asleep. What to do...

She is so sweet. She is a complete terror sometimes and she gets so emotional and screams at me but, really, today has been very mild. Several times she has used her sugar voice and asked me to do things with a "Please, mama" and a "Thank you" attached. She says, "Excuse me, mama" before she interrupts (still interrupting, though, of course). Today someone was over to discuss a renovation to the kitchen and she wanted me to go get one of her princess dresses for her to wear. I kept telling her, "I'll be glad to get that for you when I'm finished," and "I get dresses for girls who are patient." She just kept asking more and more nicely, thinking that she'd eventually hit the tone of voice that would make me get up and get it. It was kind of funny. She never did explode though, which is amazing in and of itself since I stuck to my guns and didn't go get the dress until I was finished. Man, parenting is hard!

I just started cloth diapering Elaina yesterday. Never did it with Fiona - never really had a desire to. But now, I feel like it's something I'd like to explore. I've learned that some of the high absorbency materials they use in disposables that makes them so great has been linked to toxic shock syndrome. Elaina sleeps all through the night. We were able to change Fiona at night without her waking but Elaina won't do that. So her diaper weighs more than she does in the morning when she wakes (the kid sleeps 12 hours at night so I'm not complaining). Anyway, so far it's fine. I've been doing it like 36 hours now and it's fine. I'll let you know how it is when I actually have to launder the things!

March 27, 2004

I feel like I almost need to keep two separate journals because one child will do something wonderful but I'll be sharing something sad or maddening about the other one and it feels weird to go, "Fiona is wonderful! Elaina is driving me crazy!" Oh well...

Fiona is at this really strange stage. I have heard from Parents as Teachers parent educators that 3 1/2 is the reason they invented preschool. I'm told it's the hardest age. One book mentioned was Your Three Year Old: Friend or Foe? I would laugh but I can totally relate. It's such a cool age because Fiona is really discovering her own personality and using English in a really fun way. She will get super excited about things because she is so much more aware of what is going on around her and she'll follow directions really well and say things like, "Alriiiiiiiiight!" when you ask her to do something. I love how at this age, she gets excited about things but doesn't get embarrassed about her excitement or try to play it off or anything yet. She's not "too cool." It's a maddening age too, though, because she is trying to test limits and has total selective hearing and blows me off all the time and won't answer any questions or follow any directions. She's getting better about the emotional outbursts I noticed the other day. She still has them and it's still tough but she is having them less. I have even noticed that when I give her an answer or directions she doesn't want she will relent and say, "Oh, alright" or "I guess I'll do it." Sometimes I am amazed when I "win!"

Sean and I went to a parenting program teaser today. It was for a method called Love and Logic and we both found a lot of useful information in it. It's about taking the emotion out of disciplining - something we are both terrible at - and giving choices. I let myself get so irritated at these things she does that are normal things - things that definitely need to be corrected, mind you, but that need to be corrected in a non-emotional way. I liked that the lady gave some practical advice for specific situations. Several friends have recommended the Love and Logic method and I think Sean and I really found some value in what we heard today. The whole rest of the day we were saying things like, "I'll be glad to listen to you when your voice is as quiet as mine" and "Do you want to walk into bed or be carried?" So, we'll see how long serene mommy and daddy last...

Elaina, adorable as she is, still won't grace anyone else with glimpses of her giggly bouncy happy self. While Sean and I went to the seminar to learn how to deal with her and her sister, she went to Mary's today with Renee to visit with Aunt Pat who was in town and she cried the whole time. Wait, Aunt Nay corrects me and says she didn't cry the whole day. She screamed the whole day. Ugh. It was only two and a half hours - not a full day - but I'm sure it felt like a whole day to both the caretakers and the baby. And not the best first impression of Elaina for Aunt Pat, huh? Sigh.

I do have to mention just how blessed I feel with these two girls. Fiona couldn't be more in love with Elaina and the feelings are mutual, I can tell. When Elaina wakes from her naps Fiona's face lights up and she gasps and emphatically states that she's going to "get" the baby and she runs up and lays in bed with Lainey and cups her face in her hand. Elaina, meanwhile, smiles and giggles and just about explodes with delight at seeing Fiona. She grunts and makes raspberries in glee at seeing Fi. It elates me everso.

March 25, 2004

Elaina has been sleeping in in the mornings and it's glorious. It gives Fiona and me time to hang out together and eat breakfast and play a little, one on one, before the baby onslaught. It's really cute, though. When Fiona hears that Elaina is awake she runs into the room and lays down with her and Elaina just gets the biggest smile on her face and is so gleeful to have her big sister there. It's magical. It's so neat to hear the little voice "aaaaghhhggg" in the next room and know the whole thing will be set in motion shortly.

February 16, 2004

Ooh ooh! In true princess fashion, Fiona started dance classes today! She was so super dooper cute in class jumping - er, I mean jete-ing - in class with three other 3-4 year olds. Aaaah. She was so excited she completely dressed herself for class. She yanked on her tights - I was absolutely amazed, but she got them on (just one major rip in them at the top. Thankfully, she was so excited about class she forgot to throw a fit about that) - and she put on her leotard and her flimsy gauzy dance skirt - not in that order. She wore her tap shoes to the car which meant Sean had to carry her. Parents aren't allowed in the room but we could glimpse her from the waiting area. She was - how shall I put this - ADORABLE. She had the biggest smile on her face. She balleted and tapped her little heart out. She amazed the teacher by knowing first position. It was cute to see her pointing and flexing her toes on demand. One of the funniest things is watching 3 year olds try to tap their toes and then their heels. Go on, ask a 3 year old to do it and sit back as the hilarity ensues. It's mostly a lot of stomping. Then the teacher asks the parents to "work on that" this week. Right... Fiona said at first that she would miss us but we assured her that we were just going to be exactly where she saw us at that moment. I heard her tell the teacher at one point that she missed me but that was it. Sean did hear Miss Therese tell Fiona nicely that she'd need to be quiet so she could listen. There was a moment when Miss Therese asked Fiona to tap her toe behind her and then basically stomp that foot and Fiona said, "I can't." Miss Therese leaned in close and said, "That is a word that isn't allowed in Miss Therese's class, Fiona. We do not say 'can't.'" I think Fiona thought she was in trouble but in the same kind voice the teacher said, "You can do it - that's why you're in class. To learn. And I will help you!" She held Fiona's hand and helped her until she did it. Not gracefully - but she did it. I was scared for my little girl and hoped her feelings didn't get hurt but it was all fine. One other mom said that the instructor isn't that nice with the older kids - that if they don't follow directions they get yelled at. I guess when you're seven years old you should be able to follow directions. I'll just have to see how the classes progress, I guess! Fiona had a great time and said she's looking forward to the next class. Man she's cute!


And speaking of cute, Elaina is such a little darling. I was going to take a picture of her tonight in her polka dotted onesie and beige overalls but she was crabby and then fell asleep. She's got a cold again. I don't know why this keeps happening unless it really is true, what they say about second kids getting all the germs from the older sibling. Poor baby woke herself up at like 4 AM this morning (thereby awakening Sean and me as well) because she couldn't breathe. Oh, and in case you're wondering, she absolutely abhors the nose-sucker. Not such a soothing or calming early morning activity... Today I turned on the hot water in the shower and just played with her in the bathroom with the steam and vapo-rub stuff in the water. I don't know how much it helped. I guess she was better for a couple of hours. I keep plying her with decongestant every four hours. I called the doctor to let him know she's sick again and inform him of my intent to drug her as scheduled. He didn't call back in a panic so I guess it's fine to do so. I wish she could breathe so she could sleep as I believe it's been a full three weeks since she really got a full day's rest.

I'm Elaina's favorite person right now. Not even Daddy will do. She just giggles and lights up when I hold her. She also whimpers and whines and cries when I don't have her. It's wonderful but soooooo tiring. And on that note, I need to go to bed!

February 13, 2003

We have an unusual number of villians running around our house. Just now Ursula the sea witch put some paper bits down the heating duct. Sometimes Gaston, the egotistical, overbearing hunk of man-beef from "Beauty and the Beast," throws things on the floor. A lot of the time they do something asinine and Fiona ends up hurt. I get so annoyed at how those villians do the things I just talked to Fiona about not doing. Sigh. That cutie pants, Fiona, desperately told me last night that she was sick of waiting to be older. I did panic for a minute. How can she already be sick of waiting? What does this foreshadow for the teen years? Oh Dear Lord, help me!

In other recent news, Mary said that Elaina rolled from back to tummy last Saturday. Wow! Friday night she was working on it. She was looking around arching her back into a backward "C" so severe I knew she would either flip or snap in half! I still haven't seen the full flip but Mary said it definitely happened. She was attending to Fiona and Elaina was annoyed at no attention. She said, "Apparently if she gets mad enough it will happen!" I don't think I'll be recreating the conditions for experimental purposes.

February 12, 2003

I think a heart is like a rubber band and huge events can stretch it so far you think it might snap. Little things stretch it out a bit and then it bounces back again. Mine stretched a bit just now when Piper's dad came to get Fiona for her play date. Fiona has always been skittish around men and while she still professes to only like her father, she's much more tolerant of the male populous in general. Seeing her little pink clad diminutive form walking down the sidewalk with this six foot tall man holding her hand stretched my heart. And today, at play group at the All Souls Unitarian Church, the minister, Jim, poked his head in to say hi as he always does and Fiona ran to the baby gate and gave him a hug. After scooping my lower jaw up off the floor I thought, "What the heck?" *I* barely know him enough to smile as I walk by! The changes in her are so marked and so sudden that I wonder what's behind them. Do kids just suddenly try new personality traits? What made her feel more secure about men? Why these men? She still hasn't completely warmed to her Grandpa! And why does it tug at my heart so? What if she's looking for affection elsewhere because she feels she's not getting enough from me or Sean now that Elaina is here? I know I've always been way over sentimental (I was broken when Fiona first got teeth. What if I couldn't remember her toothless smile?) but these feelings are real! Even the notion that these changes in Fiona are totally normal and to be expected quickens my breathing because I know she's growing and changing, and the innocence and naïveté are wavering. I see Emma and Piper, a year or more older than Fiona and I hear the way they talk about things and I know Fiona's fabulous perception of the world is going to change. Don't tell me each stage is going to be wonderful. We're dealing with emotions here, remember? Illogical emotions! I want time to stand still. I want Fiona to remain the sweet innocente she is. Can we do this? Please???


February 3, 2003

Well, Elaina is sick. She's been throwing up for several hours. I can't believe that. Fiona was never sick and I always attributed it to my super illness-defying mommy milk. But Elaina gets the same mommy milk and she's had lots of runny nose cold-like stuff and now this stomach flu or whatever it is. She hasn't a fever or irritability but merely the vomiting (as if that's not enough) and fatigue. Poor baby. I think part of it might be the fact that she hasn't slept in like four days. It absolutely breaks your heart to see a sick baby. Anytime I move her (and believe me, I don't do it often), she just wakes up. Looks around listlessly and vomits casually. It's not violent or projectile, but just sort of erupts from her. And she doesn't cry or anything. She just looks at you with flat affect. And the minute I pick her up she falls asleep in my arms. She needs me. We are currently sleeping in the guest room while Sean and Fiona spend a relaxing night in our bed with no puking worries to wreck their sleep. I can't help it. Even though I feel so sorry for little Laney, I still feel sorry for me! Let me tell you something else. E's doctor prescribed an anti emetic suppository but it says right in the warning information not to give it to a child if the cause of vomiting is unknown. Hello? I don't know why she's vomiting! Apparently anything with an aspirin ingredient can lead to Reye's Syndrome after a viral infection, like, oh say, the flu. Crud. Okay. No anti-throw up medicine for you, Elaina. I feel helpless. Really, she's been sleeping ever since I brought the prescription home so I haven't had occasion to use it but I know I can't use it tonight so I'm fearing she'll throw up all night long. I hate having a sick baby!

January 29, 2003

We've been having major sleep problems lately. For a couple of weeks, Fiona was going to sleep fine after a couple of books and a made up story or two but now she keeps getting out of our bed and coming into the hallway and calling me or even coming downstairs. I will come up and gently tell her that she can't keep coming out - that if she does again I'll have to take away one of her movies or something. One night she didn't care. I reminded her of the movie being taken away and she said, "I know, Mom." The next day she just said, "Can I watch it tomorrow?" Last night she was pouting and crying about us leaving her to sleep and I decided we can't do that anymore. It was fine when she was handling going to sleep on her own. I mean, we leave the "story light" on and let her read her books and sing and so on. And it's been enough for a while but now she's over that. So I was reading Dr. Sears' Discipline Book and the chapter on sleeping reminded me that I don't have to follow conventional ideas that mandate you train your child to sleep by themselves. I mean, come on, let's face facts here. Bedtime is about the only time all day long that Fiona gets our undivided attention. One of us takes Elaina out of the room and the other reads to and rubs Fiona and tells her stories. Sometimes we lay in bed and chat or giggle. Why wouldn't she want to prolong that? Also, Sean gets home around 4:30 to 5:00 PM and then I try to make dinner. We eat, Fiona bathes and then the bedtime ritual begins. That simply isn't enough time for her to spend with the entire family in the evenings. So, now that my sanity and reality has returned, I am taking a different approach. We are moving bedtime back about an hour and if she isn't sleepy, we aren't forcing it. By not telling her the it's a MUST that she stay in bed we aren't breaking any rules when we allow her to read or play quietly in bed or in her room after the "Bed Time" heretofore referred to as "Dark Quiet Time." Just kidding. But it is ludicrous to assume she will be sleepy just because the clock says 8 PM. We'll see how this goes.

She was awake for along time tonight but after Sean did stories and stuff and came downstairs at 8 PM she didn't come out of the room or call us even one time. We could hear her talking and singing until about 9:15 PM but she was content and went to bed with no tears. Yay! When I came up to put Elaina down a minute ago Fiona was laying upside down in bed with her jammies unzipped. I giggled and Sean said she had informed him she was sleeping that way tonight. She's adorable.

The other night she fell asleep reading in her bed next to ours and when I came in she was asleep on her back with her open book on her chest and her hands resting on top. It was such an adult pose it made me laugh.

January 23, 2004

So Elaina is in this super giggly phase. I will bicycle her legs in and out making noises like a train and she just laughs and laughs. She also loses control when you give her raspberries on her neck. Oh man, you really gotta get in there but then she just dissolves into laughter. She's completely helpless to the tickling and it's so cute! She has an actual laugh and I am in love with the sound of it. Her toothless smile is contagious (the smile part, not the toothless part) and she couldn't be sweeter. Now if she would just sleep... She's having a difficult time getting a good nap in. For a few days she was taking a good long 2-3 hour nap, either in the morning or the evening. But now, an hour is the longest I can hope for. Do you think it has anything to do with a certain loud three year old who is somehow threatened by a sleeping baby? I have no idea!

Fiona and I are doing pretty well. She got in a bit of trouble today when she woke up Elaina and then yelled and whined just to make sure she was good and awake with no hope of drifting off again. I was so mad! It's so hard to get this baby to sleep anymore and I DON'T need Fiona helping her awake when I do finally succeed. I shut the door to our bedroom and told her that when Elaina was asleep I would be out. I asked her to go to her room, which of course she didn't stay in, but when I finally got Laney asleep and came to work on the computer, Fiona came in so sweetly with a, "Mom?" and said she was finished being whiney and yelling. I told her she still couldn't watch Dora or Blue and she said, "I know." I was gearing up for a big fight when I reminded her that she lost her TV privileges but she was very respectful and told me she understood and knew why she couldn't watch it. She said, "We can watch it tomorrow, okay, Mom?" Okay baby.

It was actually decent outside today and she dressed herself for the park. I asked her to wear pants. She was so cute! I put her unbrushed hair into a ponytail to keep it out of her face and she wore purple pants with pink decals and a pink t-shirt with a pink and purple striped sweater. She donned white and pink tennies and the crowning touch was the super fuzzy purpley scarf Jocelyn knitted for it. We tied it on the right front and slung one end over her shoulder and let one end hang down the front. Man, she was cute! Of course I had to speak in a French accent the entire walk to the park but it was okay. It's hard to say no to something that adorable.

We had loads of fun playing in the sand at the park - burying a Bugs Bunny figure we found and then keeping Fiona from burying herself. Elaina complied and slept almost the whole time in the stroller. Whew! Sean came to pick us up on his way home from work and I'm glad he did - the wind was really blowing and 57 degrees suddenly felt like 40! Fiona had a blast though and didn't notice the wind. Her poor face is all red and her chapped lips extend down to her chin. I think her rear end even got chapped and that is SUPER weird!

I love the kisses and hugs I get from Fiona lately. All I have to do is ask for one and she gives so freely. That part of this age is so nice. And she does seem to know the rules when you ask her. She just can't always put them into practice. She loves to help me and so I try to find things she can do. I felt bad the other night because I was making garlic bread and right after I sprinkled parmesan cheese on it I realized that is something I should have let her do. Unfortunately she caught onto that and was annoyed that I didn't. She forgave me, however. We made these yummy after dinner treats using refrigerator biscuits for pastry shells and filling them with pudding and topping those with whipped cream. Yum! She was so excited to show daddy what we had made. Daddy was very impressed and reveled in their deliciousness when he had a couple. Fiona is a good helper.


January 19, 2004

Well, the cute Belle game is so totally over. At least, I'm over it! Fiona is obsessed. It might be more fun if I didn't have to go around speaking in a French accent all day. Ugh! I'm Lumiere and she's Fifi the feather duster. But wait, now She's Belle and I'm Gaston and she's decided he's a desirable suitor. Oh, she's also using the boxes around our house as castles and we are constantly going into the houses. I'm to big/old for this! You'll be happy to know that Elaina is Cogsworth - or sometimes Mrs. Potts. If I'm Gaston, then Sean's Lumiere. It's fun for the whole family!

Elaina has decided long naps are for the birds. She is existing solely on 30-45 minute cat naps now. And usually it only lasts as long as I'm with her - and if she's nursing - and if she's laying in our bed - and if it's a full moon and Mars is in retrograde. Ha! Okay, the first three conditions apply. What happened to the easygoing one? At least there will be no contrasting the two girls. They're both super particular! Good thing Elaina is the cutest button. She has the funniest giggle and toothless grin. And sometimes you can just sit her up or lay her on the ground and she'll just watch us. She LOVES to watch Fiona. She loves her big sister.

Another largely notable thing: Fiona hasn't nursed since Tuesday. That's five days without nursey. I'm greatly relieved and slightly sad and sentimental. Actually, more than slightly. I miss how it used to be nursing Fiona. I say that because lately I've been getting rage feelings while nursing her. I don't get them nursing Elaina and I think it must be chemical or hormonal - survival of the baby and all. Some sort of animal instinct. I am glad she's not nursing because I love her so much and then when she's latched on I just get irritable and think she's suddenly not so cute. But I wish I could just relax and nurse her if that's what she wants. Plus, I'd like to have that last nursing session to remember and enjoy, you know? She hasn't asked for it in several days - this is her doing and not mine - but I just want to make sure it's she and not me who's pushing for this end. Bittersweet, eh? This is truly a sign that she's not my baby anymore...

Later - 10:16 PM

Well, we went to FAO Schwarz today and bought a "Goodbye, Nursey" present for Fiona. This afternoon I told her that when she is all finished with nursey she gets a special present for making such a big girl decision. We had talked about it before a couple of times as well. She was very excited and told me that she was all done. I asked if she wanted nursey one more time and she said yes. I have to say it was one of the best moments. She sat on my lap facing me, straddling my legs and chose which side she wanted (the left side) and looked up at me while she nursed. She said it tasted good and it felt good in her mouth and then she proceeded to wiggle her eyebrows the whole time and be generally adorable. It was so cute. She was giggling, I was giggling and she then she told me she was done. I asked if she was sure she was done now and done for good and she said yes. She wasn't sad to stop and she didn't ask for more. She was content. I feel really good about this. I think she might be ready. What are the chances we were ready at the same time?

We went to FAO Schwarz and she looked around. She had told Sean she wanted a Barbie. He has always maintained she is too young for one but he told her that giving up nursey is a big girl thing so if that's what she wanted she could have it. She finally chose a Barbie inflatable castle for jumping in. It's like a trampoline but it's filled with air, I guess. It's assembled in our living room right now and she LOVES it. She earned it.

January 9, 2004

Well, Fiona is breaking my heart. I know that a lot of this is just her going through normal three year old stuff. And another lot of this is that she is so darn smart. Finally, she is so adaptive, personality-wise. I was the same way. She identifies with a character and almost becomes them, she gets so involved in play acting. The other day I had to put her in her room for whining and being insolent. Anyway, I held the door because naturally she won't stay in there of her own accord. She was trying to get the door open, wailing and crying and sobbing, mostly talking to herself saying, "You locked me in here. This is just like Cinderella. Only Cinderella wasn't crying as much." She was sobbing the whole time she said this. It was funny but so sad at the same time. In trouble and in her room again today, she sobbed," This is just like yesterday..." I feel so sad for her and tonight when she wouldn't go to bed like she was supposed to. I told her I had to leave the room. It's like she doesn't believe me when I tell her that if the behavior doesn't change there will be a specific consequence. She has to continue what she's doing and see for herself that I'm going to take away her dress up clothes, or not read her a story to bed or whatever. Sean came back upstairs during a lull in the screaming and crying and she cried to him, "It seems like I'm in trouble, like, every day!" She said that I told her I didn't want a child. And then Sean got her to elaborate and she said that I said I didn't want a child like her. Stab me in the heart! Sean assured her that both daddy and mommy love her and she said the I didn't like her. Oh, man. My heart just fell to the floor. Of course I never said I didn't want a girl like her and of course I tell her I love her all the time. A few weeks ago she was crying in bed and I was holding her (of course this was after she had gotten in trouble) and she was saying that I wished God had given me another girl. I told her I loved her so much and didn't want any other girl, to which she replied, "But I cry so much." She kept asking me if God knew what she was going to be like when He gave her to me. I assured her he did.

She was so sad the other day when she bemoaned that she doesn't like that I spend so much time on Elaina. She says thing like, "I like Elaina, but, Mom, why do you have to hold her all the time?" I know she feels totally neglected and I think that's where the tantrums are coming in. I actually hope that's it so that it will end! Man! We will be having so much fun one minute, like pretending I'm Mrs. Potts giving Belle a bath and then all of the sudden, she's spitting in my face. Three times. What??? Of course, after the first time I told her that was absolutely unacceptable and that's one of the rudest things you can do to someone and she's never to do that again. Of course she did it again. And then again. When I pressed her about it, she said she was being the Evil Malificent and that Malificent doesn't follow directions. I told her that Malificent just got her into trouble. The worst part is that it comes even when she's being the cutest, sweetest thing. And she is! I sometimes forget just how cute and sweet she is. Then, Elaina will be crying and Fiona will come running from another room to put her arms around Laney and assure her that everything is okay. I think life is too much for Fiona sometimes. Just like it's hard for me to remember that she's only three years old because she conceptualizes so far beyond that, I think it's hard for her to accept the limitations of a three year old.

Elaina has decided that 11:30 PM is a good bedtime. Yikes. Even when I want to go to bed earlier I can't. On the good side, we're noticing a pattern of her taking a 2 to 3 hour nap around 3 or 4 PM. That's good. It's rough for me and Fiona because Elaina doesn't do this during the day so we can play. Such is life, huh?

Elaina was adorable this evening. I was kissing her in the folds of her neck and she was giggling and giggling. She has the cutest laugh! She's such a happy girl most of the time and I get completely stressed out when she is upset for unknown reasons. I just want to be able to fix it!


January 7, 2004

I have been so remiss about writing down the things Fiona does. It really is just a matter of time. It's soooo hard to get anything done with two kids. Especially two attached kids. Whew! Fiona's favorite thing right now is waking up Elaina. I swear I might go insane. Just when I get Elaina asleep and think I might be able to do something like, oh, say, make breakfast???, Fiona will start whining or crying or just be yelling happily and Elaina will wake up. I tell you I'm headed straight for a bridge. Just a few minutes with my hands free, please??? I would LOVE to be able to color with Fiona, or send an email without a baby in my lap or clean a room - anything.

Enough of the venting, on to the cute stuff. Fiona is getting so learned! She told me the other day that she couldn't "quitely" do something. I thought that was so cute. She's also going around doing things like this: She will repeat a word over and over and say "Ball. Ball. buh, buh ball. B!" She's figuring out the letters and what sound they make. You know, even three weeks ago she wasn't doing this. I know because I was going to get her a Blue's Clues workbook with Letter Sounds theme and I didn't think she was ready. How cool!

Yesterday she was ill. She had fever of at least 101.7 which freaked me out but she seemed to feel fine. She didn't act sick at all and every time I felt her forehead, she's say, "I'm not sick, mom. I just have a cold." So once when I took her temp and it was high, I asked if she would allow me to give her some Tylenol. I said, "Fiona, can I give you some medicine?" She replied, "You can, Mommy. You can and you must." Can you say Keeee-ute?

She is a complete Disney Princesses junkie. I swore this wouldn't happen, but I also swore she wouldn't be a "pink" girl and that's totally what she is. But, as long as it's her choice and I'm not forcing it on her. She loves to dress up and play princess. She has her favorites and right now it's Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She has specific dresses for each princess. this purple flouncy thing with off the shoulder sleeves is her Belle dress. This long purple velour dress with sleeves that cover her hands is her Malificent, the evil fairy, dress. She has it all figured out. Her stuffed animals are the seven dwarves. She goes around repeating dialogue from the movies. Not all together and not all aloud. She'll just bust forth with something like, "It's apple pies the men love, Dearie," and I'll be like, What??? and then realize she's quoting the evil queen/peddler woman from Snow White. Keeps me on my toes. Today she wanted to wear her red sparkle shoes and go on the porch and be Dorothy. She's never seen The Wizard of Oz but she's heard about it and thinks she'd like to be Dorothy sometimes. She wanted me to go outside with her on the porch and play in her little cardboard playhouse but I said I couldn't. I said she could go out by herself but she said, "But I want to look out the window and see a flying monkey!" Oh. Apparently I was to be the flying monkey. Attractive. She just soaks up so much. Today she helped me clean her room and she really did help. I'd fold clothes and she's put them in her drawers. She was actually happy to do it. At least for a while. What a big girl!

Elaina is still hating tummy time but not as much. I really don't push it. I figure she'll still be even with the other kids in kindergarten even though she didn't get her fair share of raising her head off the floor. She's getting really good at pushing her head up but she's not rolling over like she used to as much. But, it's probably because I don't let her sweat it out. The moment I hear dissention, I turn her over or pick her up.


November 23, 2003

Did I mention that Fiona has OCD?  Not really, I hope but she is so obsessive about things, like strings hanging off of her clothes.  If she finds an thread she FREAKS out until we clip off.  She will just come running into us screaming, "Mom!  Get the clippers!"  The other night she was wearing a terry cloth robe and she was wailing about the strings on it and pulling them and showing Sean where they were and he said, "Honey, that's just how the robe is."  Fiona said, "I know, But I can't deal with it."  

November 22, 2003

We started today out roughly with Fiona whining and upset because none of her dresses are long enough to make her happy.  It was about thirty minutes of fighting before we finally just dressed her in something we wanted so we could get out the door.  Sean absolutely forbade her to wear the nightgown all day again.  We ended up at Target buying a Christmas dress in a size 5T.  I mean, it was $20.  She can wear it everyday for all I care.  As long as she wears something!  It has a bolero style jacket with it and is a sleeveless dress which is why I could get away with buying the 5T for the longer length.  We will just tack up the sleeves and hopefully she'll be wearing this dress for the next two years!

After the rough start, the day has actually been pretty lovely.  Later this morning Fiona told me that she just loves dad so much, sometimes it makes her just want to love him more.  Can't you just feel your heart bursting?  

Later we went to look at dogs at the Humane Society adoption site in Brookside just because it was next door and just for something fun.  We picked up this flyer with pictures and descriptions of dogs for adoption.  I read one to Fiona like this, "Marley is a 2 year old male, neutered, friendly and fun but not good with cats."  So, Fiona told Sean she would tell him about the dog.  "Um, Dad.  Marley is two years old, he's fun but he gets angry around cats.  He is a good dog and happy."  Sean and I were cracking up.  

Just now, she's in her room listening to her Disney Princesses cd while Sean and I are in the computer room.  Sean has told her that Ariel is his favorite princess and Fiona lets him know who her favorite is at the moment.  When "A Whole New World" from The Little Mermaid came on, Fiona starts calling frantically from her room, "Dad! Dad! Quick!  Ariel!"  Sean, of course, had to RUN into her room and sing along.  Kids are so cool!  They get so excited about things and want to share that with you.  She is absolutely so sweet.

Elaina has been a little angel all day.  She is starting to talk to us and it's so cute!  She will just goo and coo, much like Fiona used to, now that I think of it.  She loves to smile and laugh at us and I'm sure she's sharing some secret with God about how silly we all are here.  She's so wise for one so small!  LOL



November 21, 2003

Fiona just told Sean and me that we aren't like regular moms and dads.  She said it sullenly.  Of course, we asked her what regular moms and dads are like and she said deadpan, "Regular moms and dads let their kids do what they want."  Good try.  We, the irregular mom and dad, laughed and asked where in the world she heard that.  She doesn't know.  All she knows is that Dad was trying to comb her hair and she didn't like it.

She really says the funniest stuff and I don't write it down right away and so posterity will never get to hear about it!  Drat.  Today she used the expression, "Gee" which I thought was cute.  It's funny what they internalize and make their own.  The other morning I actually disagreed with her if you can believe it and she told me that I was being bratty and needed to go to my room.  Hmmm.  Where has she heard that?  It wasn't just that she said it, it was HOW she said it.  Pouty lips, eyebrows scrunched up and arms folded across her chest.  I actually laughed out loud and probably scarred her for life, poor dear.  Later, that same morning, she and Cleo were playing follow the leader (the cutest thing - Fiona follows the cat around giggling madly and doing whatever Cleo does).  Well, Cleo came into the bathroom where I was and Fiona's giggling face turned into one of consternation and then indignation.  She stood in the hallway, actually placed her hands on her hips and said, "Uunh!  I didn't want she to go in there!  I don't want to go in there!"  I laughed at that too.  It's the complete package that's so funny.

Elaina is a sweet thing.  She is turning into Fiona so we are now convinced that Fiona takes her aside in the middle of the night and tells her, "Kid, you're doing it all wrong.  Don't stay asleep when they lay you down.  They WILL carry you all day if you cry a little.  Come on, don't disappoint me!"  Suffice it to say our "empty arm time" is dwindling.  

Even though Fiona is sort of a nightmare terror to Sean and me, she still isn't taking any of it out on Elaina.  She is sweet to her, petting her and loving on her.  Sometimes too much.  She thinks that if she isn't actively *trying* to wake Elaina then she didn't do it.  I keep trying to make her understand that crooning to the baby and petting her and rubbing her and jumping on the bed while she's asleep will indeed result in an awake baby, whether you are intending it to or not.  She really does love Elaina so much.

She's also becoming a very big girl.  She poured her own juice the other day and tried to do it again yesterday morning.  It's not her fault it spilled all over the kitchen floor.  After something like that she will come to me and say, "Mom, I didn't just spill juice all over the kitchen floor.  I promise."  Okay, thanks for the heads up.  I'll clean it right away.  The word of the day is DENIAL.

She is so proud of herself when she achieves these big girl things.  The juice pouring thing was huge.  She also now goes and gets her own snack out of the fridge ("without the towel handle or anything, mom! - picture the wide eyes), usually yogurt.  Finally, I came into the bedroom yesterday to see Fiona holding Elaina.  She had picked her up off the bed and held her on her own.  So when Elaina has brain stem injuries resulting from insufficient neck support or when her face is flattened from falling head first onto the ground, we can thank our big girl.  I am trying to nip that "helpfulness" right away.



November 10, 2003

Okay, so time is flying by - sort of.  It depends of what kid I'm thinking about!  I can't believe Elaina is already 6 weeks old but sometimes these days just drag and drag, especially if it's a day when Fiona is feeling very very argumentative.  I guess it just depends on how many times Fiona has had to go to the "whining room."  We had a really good day today until I let her watch Dora and Blue's Clues.  Then she did the typical "but I want to watch some more!" when I said it was time to turn off the TV.  How can a kid get addicted to TV in such little time?  And why?  Why does playing suddenly seem so much less appealing when you begin watching TV?  It really scares me!  

Sometimes I look at Fiona and I just can't believe I have a three year old.  Especially that she's three.  When did this happen?  I sort of hate the fact that life was going on around me while I was pregnant.  I really feel like I missed out on 9 months!  I don't know why - perhaps just because I was so preoccupied with pregnancy.  I don't know.  But now I have this kid I feel like I don't even know sometimes.  She is argumentative, she is timid, she's clingy.  It really makes my heart hurt thinking about how timid and uncertain and sad she is so much now.  I mean, she's so whiney and weepy at least part of every single day.  I feel so sad thinking that she's unhappy.  I think it's a combination of her age - these things would be happening normally now anyway - and the fact that we have a new baby now.  It's a huge adjustment.  I think she's clingy and timid because she wants to make sure we aren't going anywhere.  Today I sent her to her room because she was whining and crying - okay, screaming and sobbing - when I turned off the television.  So, I calmly took her to her room and said when she calmed down she could come on out (don't kid yourself into thinking that happens most of the time.  Usually I start out calm but it escalates to Fiona and me yelling at each other and then her telling me in a hurt voice, "Don't yell at me."  That makes me feel like Cruella DeVille.).  When I was leaving I began to pull the door shut.  She cried, "Don't shut the door all the way!"  I didn't latch it but then she did shut it all the way.  Then in there she's crying in the most pitiful voice, "Don't lock me in here!  Please!  Let me out.  Don't lock me in here!"  That almost broke my heart.  Like I was some horrible person who locks her kid in her room.  I felt about as big as a wad of chewed up gum on the floor.  I *didn't* lock her in there!  I didn't even shut the door all the way!  Then I realized that her pleas sounded vaguely familiar and I'm wondering if she wasn't just acting out some lines from Cinderella.  You know, identifying with her favorite character.  In the movie, the stepmother locks Cinderella in her room before the Grand Duke comes to try on the glass slipper.  Cinderella, when she realizes what the stepmother is doing, cries out, "Please, you can't lock me in here!  Let me out!"  I think that is what Fiona was doing, which is funny if it is, but super saddening if it isn't.  Plus, she came inside from helping Sean wash the cars (in 40 degree weather) freezing to death since she refuses to wear 1) pants and 2) tights and 3) a coat and usually 4) shoes.  I was in the kitchen getting dinner stuff ready and I hear this crying that put me on alarm status.  You know how you can tell the pitch of cries and can tell if it's a hurt cry or an unhappy cry or whatever?  Well, this sounded like a hurt cry.  I opened the basement door and she was so miserable looking.  When I asked what happened, Sean just said nothing - she merely needed to come in and go to the bathroom.  This is what it's like.  The littlest thing sets her off and makes her just miserable.   I think she just needs so much assurance right now.  I feel so sad for her!  I just talked to her and held her and loved her (and let her go to the bathroom, of course!) and made her hot tea to warm her.  It's like everything I was afraid of when I was pregnant is happening.  I hate this part!

I love the little Elaina, though.  It's so weird having a baby again.  I totally forget stuff, like the fact that you can't throw them on one hip and do stuff.  Poor baby.  Ooh ooh!  She's started smiling.  First at Fiona and then Sean and (finally, sheesh!) me.  She just grinned and grinned at Elizabeth on Friday.  This all started about Wednesday, I think.  Oh my gosh, you have just never seen anything so cute!  She's still completely whacked out on her sleep schedule and she's turning into Fiona more and more what with wanting to be held all the time and snapping awake when you gently and covertly lay her down after she's fallen asleep.  It's so rough and no wonder I get nothing done during the day.  The only time she does sleep is in the car.  That's a huge difference between Fiona as a baby and Elaina.  

The contrast between the girls as baby and  big girl is pronounced sometimes.  Fiona came to me the other day and said excitedly, "Mom, I was thirsty so I went to the refrigerator and got myself a drink!  I opened the door by myself without the  towel and I put the lid back on!"  She was so proud and frankly, so was I!  The cutest thing was when I went to the fridge later and there was an empty juice container in there.  She even put the lid on and put it back in the fridge.  Awww.  Man, I never thought I'd see the day she was pouring her own juice.  She didn't even spill.  

November 1, 2003

Well, it's certainly different having two kids.  I mean, I am lucky if I have time to go to the bathroom let alone even walk into the computer room.  Ugh!  I can't believe it's been almost a month since I journalled!  Okay, what's happened?

First of all, Fiona has become a nightmare.  She has given up naps which seriously sucked for two weeks after Elaina was born but is fine now.  However, with my new responsibilities to this baby, I have started letting Fiona watch TV - Dora the Explorer and Blue's Clues.  I personally like the shows and of course I watch them with her.  That doesn't mean I don't occasionally fall asleep watching them, however.  Don't get me wrong!  I'm totally sleep deprived because Elaina sleeps wonderfully through the DAY.  She wakes a lot at night and just makes noises and nurses nonstop.  Double UGH.  Anyway, I think TV is making Fiona into a zombie with only one love - more TV!  She actually yells at me and cries when I turn off the TV.  What the heck?  How can two and a half years of no TV watching be completely undone with a month of use?  I can't believe it!  I can't tell you how much Fiona and I argue.  I kid you not, she had to go to her room for not listening or following directions and for whining six times the other day.  I tell her if she continues whatever undesirable behavior she's exhibiting she will have to lose a privilege and she just continues so I take it away.  Then she cries and yells at me and I tell her if that continues she will go to her room until she can act civilized.  She continues to whine or yell at me and so I say, "Uh oh.  You need to go to your room until you can calm down."  You know what she says to me?  "No."  What?!! That floors me.  I mean, I can't believe she says no to me!  Ideally ,I pick her up and carry her to her room but sometimes I can't if I'm nursing Elaina or something and then sometimes, if she's in just the right mood, she will simply run out of the room or open the door after I've closed it.  I have absolutely no control.  It's frightening.  I try to remain calm because I hate the fact that I'm always yelling at her.  But Fiona fights me and fights me and argues and says, "No!" defiantly until I yell at her.  I hate it!  I hate losing control.  And then, to make matters worse, she cries and says, "You're not supposed to yell at me."  That's not very nice," or "Don't yell at me!" while she's sobbing.  I don't know what to do.  Then, after she calms down, I'll tell her please please, listen to mommy the first time I ask her to do something.  She says okay, all is good until the next time when it totally repeats all over again.  And she doesn't want to do anything but watch TV.  I feel terrible!  I don't have the energy or the ability, with the constant attention that Elaina needs, to entertain Fiona like I used to.  I feel like they're both  getting ripped off.  Elaina doesn't get the attention I want to give her or that she needs as a newborn.  I mean, I've actually let her cry when I'm in the middle of something.  I feel terribly and know she's going to have trust and attachment issues well into her adult years due to this neglect.  

And then Fiona will be so absolutely sweet to me.  "Mommy, open these hearts so I can have one because I love you."  How can I say no to that?  She wants me to hold her all the time.  She is so clingy and I know it's because of Elaina.  I can't blame her.  She's scared about her position in the family with this new little person here and sometimes her behavior makes me *want* to give her away!

On a happier note, we had Fiona's birthday party today.  Our guests were Emma, Piper, Irene and Faith.  It was really fun.  Never mind that I didn't have ANYTHING ready when the guests started arriving.  I mean, Fiona wasn't even here at the time!  I totally put my guests' moms to work helping me make star sandwiches and punch.  It was a princess party and the girls dressed up in princess dresses with bracelets, necklaces and rings and played.  Later they decorated their own "magic mirrors."  Note to anyone planning a 3 year old party:  Glitter and preschoolers - not such a great idea.  But Fiona and the girls had tons of fun and before I knew it the two hours had flown by.  Wow!  I still wish my mom had been here to help me get everything together.  I don't know how anyone does it...

Fiona is still so sweet with Elaina.  She goes through times when she tells me that she doesn't want Elaina to stay or she doesn't want a sister anymore but she's always nice to Elaina and she loves to just go lay in bed with her and talk to her.  She talks baby talk and uses that high pitched voice that they call "parentese."  She even runs to get me to tell me when she thinks Elaina needs me.  It's super cute.  She's an excellent big sister.  The only snag is she keeps waking her up.  I mean, Elaina can sleep through anything - Fiona running around yelling and playing, Fiona and I screaming at each other.  Fiona dancing and singing.  But Fiona likes to walk around on the bed while Elaina is sleeping or bounce on the couch while Elaina is lying there or go up and touch her face/hair/leg and give her kisses and then Elaina wakes up.  I swear I want to be like, "What are you doing????" but I know she's just being loving.  I mean, really, who of us can resist the cuteness of a sleeping baby?  Not even Fiona!

Fiona was a super cute Snow White for Halloween yesterday.  She wore a dress Elizabeth made for it and it was so fabulous.  She wore the dress again for her party today.  Wow!

Elaina is a super sweet baby.  She makes such cute noises when she sleeps.  Sometimes it's a grunt, sometimes it's just a "mmm mmm mmm" noise.  And she sleeps with her little fist balled up against the side of her face.  When she's awake she's just so adorable too with those big blue eyes.  She loves looking at the blurry angel photo in the living room, just like Fiona did.  Sean and I spend a lot of time standing in front it with Elaina propped up over our shoulder looking at it.  She loves it!  She's been smiling more lately.  Especially at Fiona and Sean.  I think she sides with Fiona when we argue and is leery of me.  Just kidding.  I'm the milk machine so she has to love me!

I get so excited when I think about how much fun Elaina and Fiona are going to have in the years to come (when they aren't screaming at each other or driving each other batty by looking at the other one when she doesn't want to be looked at, etc.).  They will be so cute!  I can already tell that Elaina will idolize Fiona.  She already appears to.  She loves to look at her and let Fiona hold her for about .3 seconds which is about how long Fiona is comfortable holding her anyway so it's all good.

I know things will get easier as time goes by.  Of course, I know there will be those times when it's harder, too.  But right now, I'm just living day to day alternating between wanting the days to fly by so Fiona will be out of these testing times and wanting everything to go in slow motion so I can savor these baby times and how absolutely cute Fiona is when she wants to love me.  It's so hard!

October 6, 2003

Well, it's been a while since I journalled and a LOT has changed.  Fiona is now a big sister.  Elaina Cerys Myers was born September 27, 2003 at 5:25 PM after a short 4 hour labor.  It was very smooth, considering it was labor.  My labor with Fiona was fairly short - 8 hours - but almost half of that was pushing.  Compare that with about 20 minutes this time and you have an easy labor!  Of course, that is easy after the epidural kicked in.  Whew!  Thank God for science!

                    
Fiona is absolutely wonderful with Elaina (by the way, Cerys is pronounced "CARE-iss" and it's Welsh for "love").  She calls Elaina "my precious daughter" like she's her mom.  She also refers to her as "my darling."  If Elaina cries, Fiona says, "Tell her, 'It's okay.  Your big sister is here!'"  She also says, "Tell her, 'It's okay, your big sister won't die for a long time.'"  Huh?

Elaina is COMPLETELY different from the baby Fiona was.  It's so neat to see exactly how different they are.  Case in point:  After Elaina was born, I was holding her and holding her.  If I wasn't holding her someone else was.  You couldn't put Fiona down when she was a baby without her crying and howling and I assumed all babies were like this.  So when a nurse came in to weigh Elaina and take her vitals and placed her in the bassinet at the hospital, I immediately stiffened waiting for the wailing and crying about being put down.  Um, they never came.  I have to say that I would NEVER have attempted to put this child down after having a first baby like Fiona.  I just figured I'd be carrying her all the time like I did with Fiona.  What a pleasant surprise!  I loved having a total velcro baby like Fiona and it was a wonderful experience, but believe me, this is wonderful too!  

The girls are just so different in many ways.  When Fiona was born, the doctor placed her on my belly and she looked right at Sean and me without crying at all.  She just observed us, nursed immediately and there you go.  Elaina came out of me crying, I'm not kidding.  She cried for about 20 minutes straight and hasn't really cried since.  Oh, she'll let you know when she's unhappy.  She doesn't like to be naked for anything - bath, diaper changes, clothing changes.  She let's out a cry then.  She also makes the cutest squeaking noise when she's mad or hurt (like when she pulled her own hair the other night - poor thing).  Elaina is so laid back.  When Fiona was a baby we made sure everything was perfectly quiet while she napped, daring not to vacuum or squeak the hardwood floors or even talk above a whisper.  Elaina sleeps through Fiona shrieking at the top of her lungs and singing all her commentary.  Uncle Mike told Fiona he admires how she lives life like it's a musical, opting to sing everything rather than simply talk.  How boring is talking when you can sing?  Elaina will also wake up at night and just look around.  I've woken up at night and looked down at her and she's just looking around, looking at me, whatever.  But not crying.  She's not a very aggressive nurser either.  She is getting more so but she's nothing like Fiona was.  It's just so cool to see how different they are!  

Fiona seems to be adjusting pretty well.  Like I said, she's super sweet with Elaina.  The takes out her frustrations on Sean and me, though.  And that's ten times better than taking them out on the baby so Sean and I are living through it.  I think she hates me and feels betrayed.  She tells me to go away all the time and the whining just doesn't even stop now.  She's gotten very bossy and is quick to tears.  I know it's an adjustment period and I'm hoping it will be a quick transition!


September 19, 2003

This morning Fiona and Sean came into the bedroom after breakfast and Fiona looked so cute.  She had her hair all brushed and there was a little bobby pin-type barrette in her hair.  So adorable.  After she showed me she was ready to take it out and she ran to Sean and said in a sing-song voice,     "Take it out of my hair
                          You Old Freaking Person"

Sean and I could not believe our ears.  I know we should be concerned, but really, we just laughed and laughed.  Silently, of course...  My mom was mostly concerned with the "old" comment rather than her casual use of "freaking."  But, don't worry, Mom.  Fiona uses it like "ole."  Sean says I say it a lot.  Like, "That old cat!"

September 18, 2003

Tonight after she finished eating dinner Fiona was playing with this little rocking horse figure that was a cake topper for a shower I had when I was pregnant with her.  It was blue and she remembers that we have a pink one as well.  I didn't know where it was but she assured me it was in the buffet.  While Fiona and I were sitting, Sean decided to be nice and look for it in the buffet.  He went through the top three drawers looking and then through the gigantic middle drawer.  Then Fiona goes, "Come on.  Keep looking.  Come on Old Man.  You keep looking."  Sean and I almost passed out from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard...

September 17, 2003

Fiona is a cassowary.  It is a mean crazy endangered bird they have at the Australia Zoo where the Crocodile Hunter works.  We watched a little of that tonight and Fiona was enthralled with seeing whether "Stompy" the cassowary was going to use her strong claws to rip out someone's guts.  Sorry, kid.  It didn't happen.  

We went to Sweet Tomatoes, a salad buffet restaurant, tonight for dinner.  I think I can safely say that's Fiona's favorite restaurant.  How could you not like a place with so much dip?  She ate more there tonight than she has at home it two weeks, I swear!  She was super cute.  I mean, people were smiling at us and saying, "That's a happy child!"  I'm such a proud mama.

After getting home, Fi and I watched a little of the Croc Hunter, as I mentioned, then we headed upstairs (after she climbed down her tree as a crested Fijian Iguana to lay eggs...) and I turned the light out because we're all going to bed together tonight.  It was pitch black and I said, "Woah!"  Fiona said, "What?"  I said, "It's so dark!  Where are you?"  She said, "I'm right here.  Do you see that bump?  That's me!"  I'm laughing right now even as I type.  It was the cutest thing ever.  Then she just kept on.  "Do you see these two bumps (remember she's always got a "Fiona" in her hand)?  That's me!"  Then she went up the steps.  "Do you hear this clomping noise?  That's me!"  I was helplessly giggling all the way up the stairs - I'm lucky I didn't fall down, actually.  At the top, the bathroom light was on and she said, "Now do you see me?"  Yes, darling, I see you.

September 15, 2003

Fiona is absolutely relieved it's not 105 degrees anymore because I don't keep her imprisoned in the house so I don't die of heat stroke.  We've been spending more time outside, going for walks, to the park and on the porch.  She loves it!  She asked if we could eat dinner outside since it's a gorgeous 70 degrees.  We agreed we could do this and she was thrilled.  We have started this thing where we tell her that dinner time is for eating, not playing.  So, she doesn't have to eat what she doesn't want and she doesn't have to eat everything on her plate.  When she's finished she can ask to be excused but when she is excused, dinner is over for her.  She can't get up, go play and come back for bites.  Otherwise we'd never finish dinner!  So, she's been doing that.  Sometimes she'll ask to be excused saying she's done and I'll have to ask, "Are you full?  You aren't going to want any more food?"  Then she remembers that she is, in fact, still hungry and will eat a little more before asking to be excused again.  The only time she is supposed to get up from the table is if she needs to go potty.  Of course, every night she needs to go potty during dinner...  We got up and went to the bathroom during dinner and we got there and she looked at me and said, "I don't need to go."  I asked why she said she did if she didn't and she replied, "I was just kidding."  Um, okay.  

The other day when she was asking for macaroni and cheese for lunch for like the third straight meal and I said no, she was frantic and whining and crying and said, "I only like mac and cheese and waffles.  That's the only things I like.  And steak.  I only like those three things."  Well, that's pretty much true.  Those are her favorites.  Tonight we had steak and after she asked to be excused, saying she was full, she ran over to the porch swing and was running around it in a circle and under her breath she said, "Man that steak is good!"  Just totally to herself!  It was the funniest, cutest thing she's done so far this week.  She's too funny.  And she knows it.  She threw the ball into the yard and said, "Oh no!  It's in the mulch!  I can't get it.  It will hurt my feet."  She convinced daddy to risk his feet to get it out of the mulch and while he was doing it she ran to me and said, "Wow!  Say, "How can such a little girl throw a ball so far?'"  She never stops scripting - or tooting her own horn, apparently!

Now I have three weeks until Fiona's sister is born and I am SOOOOO ready and Fiona is too.  I think she's beyond believing she's ever going to actually be a sister now.  She thinks it's just some elaborate lie we concocted to keep her occupied.  And she probably thinks I just ate a basketball or something.  She's totally sick of hearing me tell her that my back hurts so I can't carry her on our walks and she's totally over my telling her my nursies hurt so she can only have nursey "for a couple of minutes."  I think we're both just crazy from the anticipation of when she will be a sister.  It's cute because every time I tell her about something coming up, like when Sean and I went to pre-register at the hospital for the birth and the fact that I have an appointment with Dr. Curry this Wednesday morning, she says, "But I won't be a big sister yet?"  Nope, not yet.  Sorry, honey.  She, and I, are both thinking the same thing: "Just come on already!"  Naturally, as soon as this baby is out of me, I'll wish I could stuff her back in and focus on just one kid at a time!

September 11, 2003

Ugh.  The week is almost over.  It's FINALLY Thursday and I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Sean has been in Dallas for training for work since Monday morning.  That means me, with 4 weeks left to go before my due date, and Fiona have been on our own for four days now.  Ugh again.  Remember, Fiona has hated me for the past several weeks.  Thank goodness this week she decided she didn't like dad.  Now, mind you, that doesn't mean she's not still picking fights with me.  At least she isn't abhorring me though.  Sigh.  A week has never gone by more slowly than it is right now.  First of all, I am DOG TIRED.  I mean, I can't believe there are single parents out there who do this all the time.  You, meaning I, really don't appreciate all your spouse does until they aren't there to do it.  Now I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have Sean as such an involved father.  Everyday since he's been gone I go, "Drat!  I forgot I still have to walk Sasha!"  "Drat!  I have to get up with the kid instead of sleeping in an extra hour!"  "Drat!  I have to do the dishes and pick up all the toys!"  Man!  (That' Fiona's favorite new saying, by the way - 'Man').  Second of all, I went to the doctor on Monday for my regular pregnancy appointment and he basically told me I could blow at any moment.  I know that means I could still be four weeks from delivery but this entire week I have been certain that this baby would decide this is the opportune time to be born.  NO!  Daddy must be present at the birth!  I can't get myself to the hospital and get someone to watch Fiona and deliver all by myself!  No, no no!  So every little pain that feels "different" and every cramp I'm sure is labor and every sharp jab and poke the baby gives me I'm sure will result in my water breaking.  This has been a very stressful week.  I'm exhausted and it's due to the physicality of rearing Fiona on my own *and* the mental anguish I'm putting myself through!  

She has been super cute at times though, as she is known to be.  The other night she went to Emma's while I went to a dinner and when I picked her up she was wearing a leotard, dance skirt and big floppy Blue's Clues slippers that Emma gave her.  So, after we got home (mind you, it's after 10 PM now) she's holding "Sheep Fiona" and running down the block in this getup and she couldn't be more charming.  I love that girl.  She's so cute now because even when she's whining (and we all know I can't stand whining) she will go, "Pleeeeeeeeze, mom!  I really want to [blank]!"  Like the other day we took Sasha on a long walk and she left her doll Fiona at home and didn't realize until we were almost home.  She said frantically, "Where's Fiona!?"  I said we left her at home and she said, "We need to get her!  We need to go on another walk!"  I said no way and she said, "Pleeeeeeze mom!  We need to get her and go on another walk!"  She was whining, crying, completely tired beyond belief and it was so cute because she was wearing this dance outfit that looks like a pink skirt with suspenders over a white shirt (even though it's just one piece) and wearing these crazy foam sandals and was just so desperate.  Don't worry, I didn't give in.  We didn't go on another walk.

Today we went to the Children's Museum and she had a blast playing in the ambulance/hospital section.  The best part was when we were pretending she has swallowed a radio and we had to do surgery to get it out.  She was giggling the whole time I was "cutting" her open and sewing her back up.  Too cute!  Then we went and painted her face.  We "crazied it up" with orange-red eyebrows, red lips, black eyelashes drawn onto her lids and green teeth. We painted pink hair around her face and gave her bangs.  We got rid of the green teeth because Fiona decided princesses don't have big green teeth.  She was delightful.  Of course, now she's napping in my bed on my sheets with this crazy face makeup on so we'll see how cute it is while I'm stain sticking everything later...

August 29, 2003

Why me?  Why why why?  Why does Fiona hate me so?  Is the mother/daughter relationship such that by definition the child must hate her maternal figure?  Fiona spent three hours with Sean this morning - at the DMV no less! - and was perfectly nice and happy and fine.  Not 3 minutes at home with mom and she was crying and whining.  Great.  I can't stand it!  I can honestly (and guiltily) say that I really don't enjoy being around her.  There.  Said it.  Man!  She's crying accusingly at me right now.  She asked me to iron a dress that has a hem that keeps flipping up so I did.  Well, first of all, I was supposed to iron it downstairs.  Never mind that the iron and the board and the dress are all up here.  Then apparently she changed her mind.  She came in and snatched the dress away saying she doesn't want me to iron it and now is angry because "I didn't want it to be so warm!"  She's just whining and crying in her room now about it.  I tell you, this is so much fun.

August 23, 2003

Well, Sean and I are spending a quiet night at home.  We ran some errands, rented and watched a movie and he is now watching the Chiefs game on tv.  How is this, you might ask?  Fiona is on an overnight at Grandma Mary's house.  I don't know what to do with myself!  I'm a little confused by the fact that I have this free time and I'm a little sad that she's not here.  I miss her!  She's been crabby and cranky and rude to me all day and now that she's not here I miss the little bugger.  Sigh.

She truly has been a completely unpleasant person to be with the past week or so.  She screams at you, she gets upset very easily, she has started kicking her feet and crying on a whim.  She is seriously getting into the tantrum thing.  Now, she asks me "Why did I have a temper tantrum?"  I find that interesting because I usually call them "fits" and wonder who calls the temper tantrums to her.  I also find it interesting that she asks that because how the heck should I know why???  We had a fight the other day because I said, "Why are you acting like this?  Can you tell me how you're feeling?"  and she said, "You tell me."  I tried to explain that I couldn't know how she was feeling; that she needed to tell me - only she knows how she's feeling.  I didn't even want to give her multiple choice because I want her to identify her feelings and not just agree with what I say.  Anyway, that went back and forth and I just got more and more frustrated trying to explain to her that NO!  I don't know what or why or how she's feeling!  I can only imagine that her frustration was of equal caliber.

So, regardless of all that, I'm missing her while she's at Grandma's house.  I'm crazy.

August 22, 2003

Fiona is on a play date at Piper's house.  It's the first time she's been over there.  I'm nervous that I screwed up because she and Piper are upstairs in Piper's bedroom and I left.  I told Fiona that I was going to come home and let her play and she said, "Mommy, don't go."  I then explained that I'd just be across the street and she'd have more fun if I wasn't there.  She didn't say anything or protest any further and then Piper asked if she wanted to go up and see her pet fish (named Princess so that got Fiona's attention) and Fiona said yes.  I told Fiona to give me a kiss since I'd be gone when she came back down.  She gave me the kiss and I left while she was up there.  Is that fair?  Am I scarring her with abandonment issues for the rest of her life or will she remember that I said I was leaving?  Help!

Later...

Okay, so Fiona's play date went well. I took her over at 3:30 but I didn't leave until 4 PM so Piper's dad called me at 5 PM to tell me Fiona was ready to come home. We had agreed that if things were going well and the girls were having a great time, it might be closer to 5:30 but he'd call to let me know.  Apparently Fiona was all played out.  Piper was crying in the background on the phone because she didn't want Fiona to go. How cute! I was relieved. I was afraid Fiona would be too young or something. You just always worry about your kids, you know? Anyway, Sean and I went and picked her up and told Piper they could play anytime. I gave her a sucker as a bribe to let my daughter come home with me.  It worked.  Fiona said she had fun.  We had to role play when we got home with Fiona being Piper and me being Fiona.  Fiona (Piper) said, "You can stay and play 'til your mom makes you come home, okay?"  I guess Piper was lobbying pretty hard!



August 20, 2003

So you know, there are more pictures up on the photo page.
You know what the best part about Fiona getting older is?  I can send her to do something for me if I'm too lazy to do it!  Today I was in the shower and realized I forgot to get the shower gel - exfoliating, no less - out of the bag in the hall.  So I asked Fiona if she could go get the green bottle of bath stuff and she totally did it!  I was so proud of her! Ahhhh, comprehension.

Fiona's been asking about ghosts lately.  I don't really know where she first heard about them but the other day in broad daylight she asked if there were any ghosts outside.  I told her ghosts were just pretend and she insisted they were real.  So I told her the Holy Ghost was real and it was God's spirit.  She asked a few questions about him, one of which being what he looked like.  I told her he was invisible and that meant you couldn't see him.  I said he didn't have a body; that he was like the wind.  She asked why he didn't have a body.  Okay, um, Jesus has the body because he had to come here so we would be able to see him and know all about him.  Okay she bought that.  But then she asked me this: "  Mom, does the Holy Ghost have a head?"  Oh dear me!  I actually considered telling her no.  Then Sean took over, thank God, and hissed, "Tiffany, she's two!!!"   Then in a much calmer voice and like a real parent he said, "Yes, honey, the Holy Ghost has a head.  He's about 6 feet tall and looks like dad."  Thank goodness a grown up took over.  I think Fiona was relieved.  Sometimes I tend to over explain in my quest to give her accurate information (remember her announcing to the party that mommy's baby is in her uterus???).

Did I mention yet that Fiona's new thing is to reassure?  For example, today she said, "Mom, let's go to the Children's Farm"  Um, Fiona, it's going to be 105 degrees today (no kidding).  She thought and then said, "I'll be okay, Mom."  Well, mom won't be okay!  So she says this all the time.  "I'll be okay, Mom."  I feel so much better when she does.

Okay, right this second I'm freaked because Fiona just came in the room blowing out air and said she was breathing a cigarette in the other room.  WHAT!  I am alarmed.  She was smiling shyly telling me about it and totally had to launch into how it makes you not breathe and it makes you cough and it turns your lungs black and makes your breath smell and your fingers yellow and on top of that it's expensive and wouldn't we rather spend money on play-doh???  So then she started talking about it again to her little dog who is "Fiona" today and I made her little dog say, "My mom tells me cigarettes are yucky!"  Fiona tells the dog that her mommy doesn't say that.  Then, get this, the one thing Fiona got from my diatribe?  "Cigarettes are expensive!"  Sigh.

Um, Fiona just had her first real tantrum/meltdown.  We went to the Children's Museum and I didn't do something right putting on some face makeup and she freaked.  I told her that if she started screaming and crying again we would have to go home.  We moved over to the dress-up area and she didn't like how this one shirt was going on so, of course, instead of telling me what the problem was she just cried and yelled.  I told her we would have to go home now.  It was downhill from there.  She wanted a drink out of the drinking fountain on the way out so I pushed the button on the "wrong one" of course.  Then I set her down to reach the other one and apparently that was wrong too.  Another meltdown.  She cried the entire time home and that was about 25 minutes.  She cried to go back and get a drink from the fountain.  She cried for nap.  She was crying for bedtime.  She was really crying for Sean to come home.  It was really sad and I felt actually kind of scared.  I have never seen her like that and it ripped me apart.  She was just so distraught.  I mean, no matter what the reason, the feelings were real to her.  Poor girl.  She's totally sacked out now.  She cried in the car to sleep in Grammy's bed so she's in the guest bed now.  That was the only thing that made her feel a little better.  That and calling daddy on the phone to tell him she really wanted him to come home.  :-(


August 15, 2003

Fiona and Sean just got back from the Royals game where they had fun fun fun.  She played at the Little K where she hit five balls pitched to her (with dad's help) and went on the slides.  She ate a hamburger, about five pounds of cotton candy and drank Sprite.  That's the story I got.  What a fun night out with Dad!

I was really amazed at how she was able to answer me when I asked what her favorite part of the Royals game was.  Sometimes kids have a hard time remembering everything and a lot of times she feels put on the spot or something and asks me to answer the question.  But tonight when I asked she thought and said, "It was.... the little play area!"  Then she told me about what was there in the play area.  I was really proud of her!  It makes me realize how much she's learning and developing so many skills.


Now Sean's taking a shower and Fiona is keeping him company in the bathroom.  She looked up at his tattoo on his shoulder and said, "Daddy, you have a little cross on your back!"  He said, "That's right.  I do."  Fiona was puzzled.  She said, "I don't have a little cat on me!"  She's too funny.  We were talking about tattoos the other day and she asked why I didn't have one because dad has one.  I said I didn't know of any thing I'd want on me all the time.  She said I could have a rainbow or something.  Yeah.  Sure.



August 12, 2003

As I sit here and type, Fiona is sitting in the tub and singing her little heart out.  She is totally making up the songs as she goes.  They start, "Every once in a while..." and then whatever happens happens.  She sang one about rabbits, one about how the clouds go away and one about Sleeping Beauty.  That was pretty cool!

Fiona now tells you to cover your ears or close your eyes when she's going to say or do something she knows you would normally say no to.  Hmmm.  I don't know how I feel about that!

The other night we were at Mary's house and something happened on the Royals game that Sean didn't like so he said something like, "Oh man!" and Fiona, in empathy, said, "Oh Freakums!  Oh Freakums, Fiona!"  We almost died laughing.  What the heck is freakums???

August 11, 2003

Well, I'm down to less than two months before Fiona's sister is born.  She's incredibly excited and when I tell her things like, "In two days (x) will happen," she says, "When will my baby be here?"  It's really cute.  

I've been diligently looking into preschools.  I know that sometimes if you want your child to get into a particular elementary school you have to get them into preschool there first.  Okay, so I'm a complete procrastinator.  And, hello?  Anyone else think $5000-8000 + is too much for preschool??? Yes, you read right - preschool!  Of course, that's providing they even have a space for her.  Man!  I think maybe my only option now is actually home schooling!  I NEVER thought I'd be worried about where Fiona would go to school.  Especially not while she is still 2.

She is super cute.  Tonight at the grocery store I said, "Do you want to have fajitas for dinner?"  She said, "No.  That would be just too cute.  Too cute and too too yummy."  What in the world?  I just cracked up.  She is the cutest thing ever.  

Today she went to the zoo with Aunt Julie.  I know she loved it.  Julie's friend Paula and her 3 year old, Taylor, went as well.  They rode a camel.  Then another milestone.  Julie's car was hit by a zoo employee while still in the parking lot.  No one was hurt even though there is extensive damage to the car but Fiona was totally freaked out.  And Julie feels so terribly about it.  She thinks she's scarred Fiona for life.  Eh.  She'll get over it.  But what a first for her.  At least it was minor!


Fiona's Third Year   ·   Fiona's Second Year   ·   Fiona's First Year